


Mediocre Expectations

by BigTrashPile



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe (Mafiatale), Angst, Bad Puns, Fluff, Gender-neutral Reader, Guns, I don't know how the mob works I'm just winging it, Modern time period but with a 20's feel, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reverse Harem, Swearing, Tropes, Usual Mafia story violence, Violence, dumb jokes, monster racism, puns, reader is a chef, speakeasy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:14:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21622063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigTrashPile/pseuds/BigTrashPile
Summary: Your life certainly hasn't been living up to your expectations.  You're working at a shitty diner for a racist boss, and you really want to get out of it.  When you get fired, you expect to either die within a month or get a similarly crappy job.  However, life doesn't always live up to our expectations.A Mafia Reverse Harem story.
Relationships: Papyrus (Mafiafell)/Reader, Papyrus (Mafiaswap)/Reader, Papyrus (Mafiaswapfell)/Reader, Papyrus (Mafiatale)/Reader, Sans (Mafiafell)/Reader, Sans (Mafiaswap)/Reader, Sans (Mafiaswapfell)/Reader, Sans (Mafiatale)/Reader
Comments: 182
Kudos: 714





	1. Ah Shit

**Author's Note:**

> I've always to make a Mafia fic, so I decided to Carpe that Diem and do it! This is going to be a good old reverse harem, so get ready for that. Also, I'm completely winging this as I go along, so go easy on me.

You sighed as you walked into work. It wasn’t a happy, satisfied sigh, oh no. It was more of a “God, I hate this job if I hit my head on the counter hard enough maybe I’ll die and won’t have to work,” kind of a sigh. But, sadly, there were bills that needed to be paid, so here you were. You walked back into the kitchen and started getting ready for your shift. You were the head chef at a little diner in town, and if you just knew that, you would think it sounded nice. Sadly, that wasn’t all there was to it. When you said “head chef” you meant, “only chef”, and it was exhausting. The owners were racist, didn’t pay enough, and the working conditions were terrible. The kitchen was tiny, and always filled with smoke and the smell of grease. You like greasy food as much as the next person, but seriously, there’s a limit to these kinds of things!

You began your tedious routine of making food as fast as possible. Honestly, you were probably overqualified for this job, but it was the best you could get. Jobs were getting hard to come by, unless you wanted to get into some... _ shady _ business. Yes, best to just stay here, in your smelly, cramped kitchen. 

One of the waitresses, Katie, handed you a ticket, blowing a large bubble with her gum and popping it. You wrinkled your nose as you handed her the plate she’d asked for a little while ago. You sure hope she cared more about sanitation than it appeared, but sadly, you knew it wasn’t the case. “Thanks,” she drawled, obviously not meaning it.

“No problem,” you muttered back. You turned back to the burger you were meant to be grilling. People always asked for the most boring items, and it was driving you crazy. Would it kill them to order something  _ fun _ to make for once?

Your attention was caught by a new pair wandering through the front door. What really piqued your interest is that one of them was a monster. That’s odd, usually monsters didn’t come, thanks to your racist-as-hell boss and coworkers. Although, from the looks of it, they were both children, so maybe they didn’t know any better. You shrugged and returned to your orders.

After a while, and no new orders, you became a little confused. The children should have ordered by now, right? You poked your head out the little window. “Hey, Katie?” you called to the teen on her phone. “Did you take Table 3’s order yet?”

She scoffed, not even looking up from what she was doing. “Why would I  _ talk _ to them? One of them’s a monster, and the other is  _ around _ it, probably brainwashed or some shit.”

You glared at her, not wanting to get into this argument again. Monsters had emerged almost five years ago. You would think that people would learn to accept them by now, but humans still had a hard time accepting humans different from them. Wishful thinking, you guess.

“Fine, why don’t you get someone else to take their order?” you suggested.

She rolled her eyes. “Like anyone else wants to either.”

You sighed. She was probably right. Everyone else working here also shared her mind set. You don’t know why you even bothered anymore. “Fine then,” you turned back to the kitchen. “Jackass,” you muttered. If they wouldn’t treat them with basic decency, you would!

You turned the burners on low and strode out of the kitchen. Katie looked at you weirdly, but you didn’t care. You walked confidently to the children waiting patiently at the table. They seemed to be playing tic tac toe on a napkin.

Now that you were closer, you could make out more distinct features. The monster looked like a small yellow lizard with no arms, and was wearing a striped t-shirt. They were using their spiked tail to hold the pencil they were using. The human had short brown hair in a bob, and was also wearing stripes, but they had a sweater. For some reason, the human seemed really familiar.

“Hi there, I’m Y/N, can I take your order?” you asked, smiling warmly at the odd pair. The two seemed confused about your chef’s clothes, but seemed to ignore it.

“Yo! I’m MK, and that’s Frisk!” the monster introduced themselves to you. “Just FYI, they use they/them and I use he/him. Let’s see, I want a chocolate milkshake, and Frisk, uh… what did you want?” MK asked.

Frisk made a series of gestures that you recognized as sign language. “They want a slice of pie! The apple one!” MK said triumphantly.

You grinned. You loved having kids here, they’re always such a nice change of pace. “Sure thing! Did you want anything else?”

Frisk shook their head, smiling and signing what you recognized as “Thank you.” Aaw, what cuties! You smiled again and went back to the kitchen. You noticed Katie glaring at you as you went back to the kitchen. You finished up the orders you were working on earlier and started on the kids’ orders. It wasn’t anything difficult, but you were sure to make it special for them. You knew that they must have a lot of struggle in their lives, so you wanted to give them a bit of a bright spot.

You finished their orders (with extra whipped cream for Frisk and chocolate shavings on the top for MK) and brought them out. As you strolled to the excited kids, you noticed that Katie wasn’t anywhere to be found.  _ Oh well, _ you thought.  _ Probably on her break. Again. _

You set the dishes in front of the children who were practically jumping in their seats with excitement. “Here you go, enjoy!” you chuckled as they started to dig in.

You turned around to go back to the kitchen, and almost bumped into someone.  _ Ah shit.  _ It was your boss, Mr. Moncrieff. He was a large, barrel-chested man with very generous facial hair and a... _ distinct _ odor. Behind him, barely hiding her giggles, was Katie.

“Um, h-how can I help you, sir?” you stuttered. It was never a good sign when he came out of his office. The kids froze behind you, looking up nervously with you.

He moved his slow, beady-eyed stare from you to the kid behind you, then back. “Come with me,” he grumbled. He led you a few feet away, honestly not enough for a private conversation, stopped abruptly, then turned to you. He didn’t waste any breath with his next statement. “You’re fired.”

Your breath stopped in your throat. “What? Why?” you whispered. This couldn’t be happening, you’d been a star worker for years, and he was just firing you???

“For serving that... _ filth _ ,” he snarled, jerking his head back to MK and Frisk. “Get your stuff and get out. And don’t come back.” Your world seemed to be crashing around you. Sure you hated this job, but how would you survive now? Shit shit shit, how is this happening??? Your felt like your measly lunch was coming back up, and your knees were weak. In a daze, you stumbled to the back room and got your things. You robotically walked back to the front, barely registering the laughter from a few of your coworkers. Well, ex-coworkers now.

You shut the door behind you, not looking back. You managed to walk a few feet before giving up. You sat down on the curb, only barely registering the cold pavement below your butt and the chill of the night air on your skin. You put your head in your hands. Honestly, you weren’t sure if you should start crying, or laughing, or just go home. Completely surrounded by your self-pitying thoughts, you didn’t notice two small figures approach.

You jolted when you felt a small hand on your shoulder. You looked up to see Frisk looking down at you with a sympathetic expression. They sat next to you, and only then did you notice MK on your other side. You tried to shove your tears down. “Hey guys,” you attempted a smile, but it probably came out as more of a grimace. “They didn’t take your food, did they?”

MK scoffed. “ _ That’s _ what you’re worried about, dude? You just got fired! I think you have bigger things on your plate.” Frisk laughed at the unintentional pun. They had a nice laugh, very sweet and soft. MK grinned and rolled his eyes. “But we managed to eat everything before they kicked us out.” Well that just made you feel worse.

You grimaced. “Sorry about them. I don’t know what their problem is.” That was a lie. You knew what their problem was. It was that they were jerks.

“On the bright side, we didn’t have to pay!” MK said, eyes lighting up and tail wagging. You stood by your earlier statement. This kids were adorable! “But we do want to give you your tip,” he continued.

Frisk started digging through their pockets. “Oh no, you don’t have to do that,” you tried insisting. Frisk stopped their rummaging and gave you a deadpan stare.

“Frisk is calling bull crap, by the way,” MK explained, unnecessarily. “You just got fired, you’re gonna need every bit.”

That  _ was _ true, you hated to admit. You had a bit saved up, but not enough to survive for longer than a month. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to try one more time. “Really though, I feel bad for taking money from you guys, don’t you have more important stuff to save for? Like a bike? Or a video game?” Shit, what do kids like?

Frisk laughed again, and signed something to MK. “Ha, you’re right!” he chuckled. “They say that their uncles spoil them way too much, they don’t really need their allowance.” Well, that helped a little. Before you could protest any more, Frisk shoved some crumpled bills and coins in your hands, closing your fist around the pile and giving it a little pat. You smiled at their strange behavior, then opened your hand. Your eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. There was probably around fifty dollars there!

“I-I can’t take this! This is way too much!” you stammered. Frisk put their small hand over your mouth before you could protest more, making a shushing sound. They signed to MK again.

“Frisk says consider it payment for the best apple pie they’ve ever had,” MK translated. “Wow, that’s saying something! Their mom is a pie master!”

Not knowing what else to do, you hesitantly pocketed the money. “T-thanks, that’s very sweet of you guys! Come to me whenever you want any pie, and I’ll make you some.”

MK pointed his tail at you, squinting threateningly. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, human! We’ll eat you out of house and home!” he joked. Frisk smacked his shoulder lightly, then pointed to their wrist in a pantomime of a watch. “Oh, you’re right! We better get going! Your mom’s gonna be pissed if we’re late again.” The two of them started down the street. “Bye, nice human!” MK called. Frisk waved and grinned. You waved back.

You sighed, deciding that sitting on the curb all night wouldn’t help you at all. You stood slowly, wishing that this whole ordeal was a dream, but knowing that it wasn’t thanks to the aching in your knees and the cold biting your skin.

You turned toward your apartment, beginning the trek home. You smiled softly to yourself. You didn’t know what would happen next, but you did know that, despite the consequences, you didn’t regret what you did.

\-----------------------

Frisk checked the clock on the wall as they shut the door. Nice, three minutes before curfew! They pumped their fist triumphantly. As they hung up their jacket, they noticed Sans’s suit coat hanging on a peg. Oh, he must be here for business stuff. Frisk was excited, it had been a while since they’d seen him!

The small human skipped into the living room, where Sans and Asgore seemed to be wrapping up their meeting. They were both on their feet, on their way to the front door, when Sans spotted Frisk.

“heya, sport!” Sans knelt down and held out his arms for a hug. Frisk happily ran into his waiting arms, giggling as Sans picked them up and spun them around.

Asgore chuckled. “Hello, Frisk! Sans was just on his way out, lucky you caught him.” Asgore checked the clock. “And you’re on time today, congrats! You know I can’t cover for you everyday.”

Frisk rolled their eyes and pulled their arms out of Sans’s crushing grip.  _ I know, dad. I can handle myself. _

“heh, ya sure, kiddo?” Sans joked, pinching their cheek.

Frisk shoved his hand away.  _ You’re both jerks. Oh, guess what happened today! _

“What happened, my child?” Toriel asked, walking into the room. She was holding a few slices of pie in her paws, careful not to get anything on her elegant dress.

Frisk was more than happy to tell the tale.  _ We got someone fired! _ At the shocked looks around them, they decided to explain a little better. They told the three monsters about the diner they’d gone to, and how nobody would serve them except for the nice cook, and when they got them their food, the boss came and gave them a metaphorical pink slip.  _ They made great pie, too! Some of the best I’ve had. Besides yours, mom,  _ they added quickly.

Asgore frowned as Frisk finished their story. “Well, that won’t do. Tori, is that diner in our territory?”

“I do believe it is,” Toriel said smugly.

“We’ll have to raise their protection fee, don’t you think?”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Toriel smirked, an unusually cruel look marring her motherly features.

“welp, i think i’m gonna head out. see ya guys,” Sans interrupted. He grabbed his jacket before turning to Frisk. “what’d ya say that cook’s name was again?” he asked.

_ Y/N, why? You interested?  _ Frisk wiggled their eyebrows teasingly.

“oh shut up, kid,” Sans chuckled, ruffling their hair. He gave the three a lazy salute before disappearing from their house. He certainly  _ was _ interested, despite his joking to Frisk. He’d have to learn more about this...Y/N.


	2. New Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You run into Frisk again, and they introduce you to their uncle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is longer than normal, I can never make things short. :/ As a disclaimer for this whole fic in general: I don't know how the mafia works. So if anything seems inaccurate, that's why. Anyway, I hope you guys like it!

You sighed, leaning against the side of the building. Job hunting was so much worse than you remember. You had been handing out your resume at pretty much any place that served or prepared food for about two weeks ever since you’d gotten fired. Restaurants, bars, cafes, fast food places, anywhere. You were honestly desperate at this point. You were half considering trying to go to that monster speakeasy you’d heard about. Monster alcohol was illegal, but that certainly didn’t stop anyone from selling it.

You pushed against the wall to stand back up, adjusting your stack of resumes in your arms. If you couldn’t find a job soon, you think you’d just give up and dig your own grave. You knew you wouldn’t last long on the street.

You started walking down the street, scanning desperately for anywhere with a help wanted sign. You were so absorbed with your search that you didn’t notice the person in front of you until you hit them.

“Oof, I’m so sorry, are you okay?” you asked quickly, reaching your hand out to help them up. Wait a second, they looked really familiar…

“frisk, there you are!” a new voice called. That’s right, it was Frisk, the kid that you’d helped on your last day at the diner! You’d looked them up later, and had nearly had a heart attack when you realized that they were the monster ambassador. You had heard the rumors that their parents were involved in some shady business, everyone had, and you’d half-expected to get killed for not treating them with the proper respect or something.

Finally remembering that someone else was there, you looked up at them as you helped Frisk to their feet. Your jaw fell open for a second before you corrected your rudeness. Could you blame yourself, though? It wasn’t everyday you saw a skeleton monster.

At second glance, they didn’t look very much like a human skeleton. For one, they somehow appeared to be a little chubby, or maybe just, heh, _ big boned _ . They had round, squishy looking cheeks, an easy-going grin, and small white dots in their eye sockets. They were dressed in a smart-looking navy blue suit, with a bone patterned tie. They were around your height, but their shiny, polished shoes might have given them an extra inch or so. They were currently looking at you suspiciously, which you couldn’t blame them for, since you were still holding Frisk’s hand after helping them up. You quickly let go.

“Um, I’m sorry about that. How are you doing, Frisk?” you asked cheerfully.

Frisk grinned excitedly. They pulled out their phone and opened it to the notes app. They quickly typed something and showed you.

_ I’m doing pretty good! This is my uncle Sans. _

As you were reading, they turned to the skeleton and signed something quickly. The skeleton looked at you with a new interest.

“so you’re this Y/N that frisk has been talking about, huh?” he drawled. He had a soft baritone voice that put you at ease.

“Yeah, that’s me.” You turned to Frisk. “You’ve been talking about me, huh? All good things I hope.”

Frisk put their hand on their chest in mock offense. “heheh, yeah, they’ve been going on and on all week about how nice you were and how good your cooking is. if they talked, i’d be deaf by now,” Sans joked.

That made you blush a little bit. “That’s very sweet of you, Frisk! I’d be happy to cook for you another time if you’d like. Although, uh, money’s been pretty tight since...you know…”

Frisk nodded sympathetically, signing “Sorry.” They looked truly apologetic for it, as if it was their fault.

“It’s not your fault, kid, it was my racist boss,” you grumbled.

Sans cleared his throat, making you feel a little bad about forgetting him. “so, you’re out of a job, huh?” It was more of a statement than a question. “that sucks.”

You nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been looking for a while now,” you held up your stack of resumes as proof.

Sans nodded. “funny coincidence, i’ve been looking for a cook for me and my family. we’d pay well. you think you’re interested?”

Your mouth almost dropped open again. Really??? This guy that you’d just met was practically handing you a job on a silver platter? It was almost too good to be true.

“What’s the catch?” you asked suspiciously.

Sans seemed to think for a moment. “well, there’s eight obnoxious skeletons that you’d have to deal with. all you’d have to do is make breakfast and dinner every day, we all usually eat lunch at different times, so you don’t have to worry about that. you’d have free reign of the menu, and we’d pay for all the ingredients. what do you say?”

It didn’t take long for you to decide. “Yes! That sounds amazing! I never expected to get such a great job!”

Sans’s lazy grin widened. “cool. want to come over? you can get acquainted with the guys, and we can do a little trial run.” Trial run? “although i’m sure you don’t have to worry. with the way frisk has been raving about you, you’ll do great.”

Frisk gave you a thumbs up in encouragement. You smiled softly at them. Then you turned back to Sans. “Let’s do it!” you said, determination in your eyes.

“cool, wanna take a shortcut?” Sans asked casually.

Frisk rolled their eyes. “A shortcut?” you asked. “What kind of shortcut?”

“just a little trick i know.”

Frisk typed something on their phone.  _ It’s safe, but you’re going to want to brace yourself.  _ Ominous, but okay.

“Sure, why not,” you shrugged.

Sans grinned wider, and held out his hand. You hesitated for a moment before grabbing it. It was strangely warm, and felt a little like porcelain. It didn’t look like human bones, the bones were a lot thicker, and there were bones fused to form palms.

You snapped yourself out of it, not wanting to look rude, and Frisk grabbed Sans’s other hand. “‘kay, just hold on tight, alright?” Sans looked at you for confirmation. You nodded, and your strange trio strolled down a side alley.

There was a strange feeling in your stomach, like when you go down a drop on a roller coaster. For a moment, there was a freezing, numbing blackness around you. All the air left your lungs, and you felt like there was absolute nothingness, no time, or matter, space itself didn’t exist. Before you could process it, you were back. The sun warmed your skin, which felt heavenly after the coldness. You breathed in the spring air, filling your lungs desperately. Your head was spinning a little, and you hoped you could hold onto your lunch.

“you good, pal?” Sans asked, letting go of your hand and turning your head so he could look you in the eye. You nodded, still gasping for breath. Sans winced sympathetically. “the first time’s always the worst.”

“I’ll be fine, thanks,” you finally found your voice. You pulled away from Sans, and examined your surroundings. Somehow, you had gone from the middle of a busy downtown street, to what looked like a very nice neighborhood, in front of a huge, three-story mansion. You gaped at it.  _ This _ was where you were going to work??? You barely felt good enough to  _ look _ at it!

Sans simply shoved his hands in his suit pockets and strolled casually up to the door. Frisk skipped after him, leaving you to awkwardly follow. Sans opened the door, bowing dramatically as he held it open for you and Frisk.

“after you, m’theydy,” he joked in a pompous accent, making Frisk giggle.

“Thank you, good sir,” you said in an equally ridiculous voice.

The both of you managed to keep up the serious facade, until you both burst into giggles. You shook your head and went inside.

You gasped. If the outside managed to make you feel insignificant, the inside made you feel like nothing. The ceiling reached up so high you weren’t sure how anyone was able to change the lightbulbs. There were floor to ceiling windows, providing lots of natural light, and a lavish chandelier hanging from the ceiling. A huge staircase led up to the other floors, and there were a few maids and butlers bustling around.

“the maids usually only come every week or so to clean, so you don’t have to worry about feeding them,” Sans explained as he walked past you. You snapped out of your trance and quickly followed him. “hey frisk, why don’t you go find paps while i show Y/N around?” Sans suggested.

Frisk got an excited look on their face. They signed something to Sans and raced off.

“what did they say?” you asked. You really had to learn some sign language.

“they just said that they were gonna go find my bro and introduce you to him,” Sans explained. “he’s so cool, you’re gonna love him.” He got a fond look on his face as he talked about his brother.

He led you down one of the grand hallways, showing you a large dining room that they use for parties, and a smaller one that they use when it’s just them. “we do occasionally have dinner parties, and when we do, we’ll hire extra help for you, but most of the time you’ll be alone. is that okay?” Sans asked. It was sweet of him to ask, unlike your old boss.

“Of course it’s fine. I’m used to cooking for a lot of people. I was the only chef at my old job, you know,” you laughed a little. Sans didn’t seem to think it was very funny. He got a dark look on his face, looking incredibly pissed off. It passed in a moment, though.

“well, you don’t have to do that anymore,” he said lightly. Geez, you thought for sure that you’d get whiplash if he kept having this intense mood swings.

Sans led you through a door into the kitchen. You gasped. It was practically a dream come true! It was a wide open space, enough that you would never feel cramped. There was pretty much every kind of tool and appliance you would ever need. It was a perfect mix of a professional kitchen and a regular house kitchen, with professional looking stoves and ovens, but bright, welcoming colors. You wandered in a trance around the room, looking in cupboards, opening and closing drawers, examining the fridge. You spun around to look back at Sans, who was grinning at you. “This is amazing!” you exclaimed.

“i’m glad you like it, pal. is there anything you’ll need or do we have everything?” he asked.

“I think that everything’s here, I’m excited to get started!” you said, practically bouncing up and down.

“SANS, IS THERE SOMEONE IN THERE WITH YOU?” a new voice called from the hallway. Another well-dressed skeleton stepped into the kitchen.

This one looked a lot like Sans, with a round face and short stature. However, this one seemed to be more buff than Sans, and he had bright blue eye lights. You wouldn’t have expected someone like him to have such a deep voice, but it honestly wasn’t the most surprising thing that had happened today. He seemed to be in more casual clothes than Sans, with just a white shirt tucked into his dress pants, and a bright blue tie loose around his neck.

“OH, IS THIS THE NEW CHEF?” he asked. Without waiting for an answer, he strolled confidently into the room, looking you up and down. “I’M LUCKY, IT’S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU,” he said smoothly. To your shock, he grabbed your hand, lifted it to his teeth, and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of it. His teeth didn’t feel much like teeth, there was a kind of electricity that cushioned them and made a slight shock spark through your body. At your surprised expression, he winked and stood back up to his full height.

“I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING YOU AROUND, DEAR,” he gave you a smirk and walked out of the room.

You looked at Sans, then to the door, then back to Sans. “What the hell?” you asked.

Sans chuckled. “yeah, you’re gonna have to get used to it, there’s a lot of flirts around here,” he said, obviously having no sympathy for you. “so, do you have anything you wanna make, just as a little test?”

Oh yeah, that’s why you were here. “Right, yeah, my bad. Um, do you or any of the others have something that you really like?”

“well, most of us really like burgers and fries, that’s always a good choice. there’s also a few pasta lovers, and lucky likes mexican,” Sans listed.

You thought for a minute. “How about I do some chicken alfredo for tonight, with rolls and maybe some pie for dessert? Frisk seemed to really like my pie last time.”

Sans shrugged. “sounds good to me, i’ll eat whatever.”

He gave you the green light to get started, then left the kitchen, saying that he had some work to do, and that he’d send some more of the guys down to meet you. You told him that it sounded like a good idea, and got started.

The rolls would take a while to rise, so you decided to get to work on those first. Just as you finished washing your hands, Frisk raced into the kitchen, holding hands with another skeleton. This one was much taller than Sans or Lucky, being almost a head and a half taller than you. His face was also longer, looking more like a human skull. He had a bright grin on his face, and looked happy to be there. He was wearing a suit too, this one was black, with orange accents.

Frisk signed to him, and he turned to you, small eye lights sparkling. “YOU’RE THE NEW HUMAN CHEF, CORRECT?” His voice was as loud as Lucky’s, but was higher.

You nodded, introducing yourself. “I would offer to shake hands, but I just washed mine, sorry.”

The new skeleton nodded wisely. “HYGIENE IS VERY IMPORTANT. IT’S OKAY, I CAN INTRODUCE MYSELF FROM AFAR.” He struck a pose, with his hand on his chest. “I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, FRISK’S ADOPTED UNCLE, AND ALL AROUND COOL GUY!”

You grinned at the theatrics. “Nice to meet you, Papyrus! I’m making chicken alfredo with rolls and pie for dessert, does that sound okay with you? I really should have asked everyone before I got everything out,” you muttered the last part to yourself.

At the mention of pie, Frisk got ridiculously excited. They signed to Papyrus. “OF COURSE YOU CAN STAY FOR DINNER, HUMAN!” he responded.

“dinner sounds good to me, doll,” a new voice drawled from behind you. You whipped around to see, surprise surprise, another skeleton. This one looked like Sans too, although, instead of the flat teeth that Sans and Lucky had, he had shark-like fangs, one of them gold. He had burning red eye lights that were looking you up and down unashamedly. A black dress shirt was untucked from his pants, and he had an untied red tie around his neck. “although, i’d really love to  _ eat _ something else,” he ran a ghostly red tongue over his teeth, the innuendo clear. This must be one of the flirts that Sans mentioned.

“BUTCH, DON’T BE DISGUSTING,” Papyrus scolded. The new skeleton, Butch apparently, rolled his eye lights.

“I’m just kidding around, cream puff,” he said, the accent in his rough voice standing out.

You decided to get this back on a professional level. “I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you,” you introduced, still not offering your hand to shake. You started to mix the ingredients.

“same here, doll. i’m sure we’ll get _ real _ well acquainted.” Aaaand there he goes again. You rolled your eyes and decided to ignore him.

“butch, are you being gross again?” yet another skeleton walked into the room. This one looked a lot like Papyrus, albeit a little shorter, probably due to his slouch. His voice was a lot softer too. He had a cigarette dangling from his mouth, which made you wrinkle your nose.

“Um, I’m going to have to ask you not to smoke in here, it’s unsanitary,” you said nervously. Fortunately, he didn’t seem to be offended, simply shrugging and stabbing it out on an ashtray in the dining room.

“THIS IS THE NEW CHEF, Y/N!” Papyrus introduced. 

The new skeleton nodded. “i’m slim,” he said. You were about to respond with, “you certainly are,” until you realized that it was probably his name. Man, monsters sure had weird names.

“Nice to meet you,” you said. You were starting to get a little annoyed with all these skeletons interrupting you. “I’m sorry to ask, but can you guys leave? I’m trying to focus on cooking, and Sans said that this is kind of a test, so I’d appreciate not being distracted.” It’s hard to ask people to leave while still being polite.

“OH, OF COURSE! WE’RE SORRY, HUMAN!” Bless your heart, Papyrus. “LET’S GO, EVERYONE,” he said as he started to shoo everyone out of the room. Butch gave you a lewd wink as he left.

You sighed in relief as the door swung shut. Thank goodness, now you could focus on making the best last-minute meal you could.

\-----------------

You took the pie out of the oven a few hours later. Phew, just in time for dinner! You set it carefully on the counter to cool. You looked over everything. It all looked great to you, you just hoped it was up to these rich people’s standards. You weren’t sure how to get everyone to come eat, and you certainly didn’t want to wander around this huge house looking for everyone. While you stood awkwardly in the kitchen, trying to decide what to do, there was a strange feeling, like a displacement of air, and Sans’s voice spoke from behind you.

“hey buddy, everything good in here?” his baritone voice murmured behind you.

“Oh, Sans! I’m glad you’re here, I just finished, and I didn’t know how to get everyone down here to eat,” you explained sheepishly.

Sans nodded, obviously understanding the problem. “we have a group chat that i usually text. If you give me your number, you can just shoot me a text when you’re done, but if you don’t, everyone usually wanders down around 6:30.”

You nodded, and told him your number. He put it in his phone and shot you a text to make sure it was right. When you got it, it said,  _ why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? he didn’t have the guts. _

You chuckled at the dumb joke, and put him in your phone as “New boss (Sans).” It would probably change as you got to know him better.

“cool, want to help me bring this all in?” Sans asked. You were a little surprised that they didn’t have servants to do this kind of thing for them, considering their apparent wealth. You nodded, grabbing the dish of pasta. He led you into the smaller dining room, where there were already a few skeletons at the table. You recognized Papyrus, Frisk, and Lucky at the table, but the others were new to you. One of them was another short skeleton, with sharp teeth and a long scar over one eye. His eye lights were a deep violet, and looked you over, obviously unimpressed with what he found. He scowled at you as you walked in. The other was sat next to him, and was as tall and lanky as Slim. Like Butch though, he had fangs and a gold tooth. His rusty orange eye lights looked you up and down as you came in.

You nervously put the food on the table. You looked at the new skeletons, trying to look confident. “Um, I’m Y/N, and I’m your new chef. W-what are your names?” Smooth, Y/N.

The shorter one apparently thought so too. “YOU MAY ADDRESS ME AS SCAR, IF YOU MUST. THIS IS MY BROTHER, HOUND.” Hound winked at you as he was introduced. You smiled shakily.

You were saved from having to say anything else by the sudden arrival of Butch, who teleported directly into his seat. “nice to see you again, doll,” he purred.

“BUTCH YOU LAZY ASS, YOU CAN’T EVEN WALK DOWN THE STAIRS?” a new voice shouted. In strolled another tall skeleton, with red eye lights and a scowl on his sharp features. He was wearing a smart black suit, with a red tie similar to Butch’s. He folded his arms sternly and tapped his foot. You gulped nervously. If he was looking at  _ you _ like that, you probably would be trembling. Butch, however, didn’t seem affected.

He shrugged. “sorry boss, you know i can’t be bothered to do that much work.” He didn’t seem ashamed at all.

Slim strolled in, hands in his pockets. “hey, if i could shortcut, i’d never walk anywhere, he’s lucky,” he defended Butch. The new skeleton rolled his eye lights.

“IT’S A GOOD THING YOU CAN’T,” Lucky scolded. “YOU’D NEVER WALK ANYWHERE! YOU’RE ALREADY LAZY ENOUGH AS IT IS.”

Slim shrugged. “got me there, bro,” he plopped down in his seat.

Sans cleared his throat. “so,” he began when he’d gotten everyone’s attention. “this is Y/N, they’re gonna be our new cook. you’ve already met everyone except noir here,” he gestured to the new skeleton. He squinted down at you, making you tremble under his glare. “i hope you can all be  _ civil  _ to them,” Sans once again spoke to his family, locking eyes with a few in particular.

You smiled awkwardly. You were half-hoping you wouldn’t have to interact with most of them that much, especially Scar and Noir. Papyrus seemed cool though, he seemed like a guy you’d like to hang out with.

“I’m excited to work for you, guys, you all seem great,” you said, more genuinely to some than others.

You quickly walked back to the kitchen, shutting the door firmly behind you. You let out a deep breath and combed your fingers through your hair. What have you gotten yourself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if anyone's confused, the nicknames are this:  
> MS Sans: Lucky  
> MS Papyrus: Slim  
> MF Sans: Butch  
> MF Papyrus: Noir  
> MSF Sans: Scar  
> MSF Papyrus: Hound  
> Here's my [Tumblr!](https://bigoltrashpile.tumblr.com/) Also, I'm sorry if it was a boring chapter. Don't worry, it'll get more exciting from here! Hope you enjoyed, have a good day!


	3. Can't Handle The Heat?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spend some quality time with Scar and Hound, and Noir does his job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's been so long since the last update, this time of year is always hectic. Don't worry though, I'll be updating more often now! Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

_ You let out a deep breath and combed your fingers through your hair. What have you gotten yourself into? _

You quickly gathered yourself back together before you continued farther into the kitchen. You half-wished that Sans had warned you about the...colorful characters you’d be working for, but you knew that you still would’ve taken the job. You desperately needed a job, and this one falling into your lap was amazing! You just hoped that the more prickly skeletons wouldn’t bother you too much.

You grabbed the small plate of food that you’d set aside for yourself and began eating. You weren’t sure if that was allowed, but hey, it was your first day, you would learn. You took another bite of chicken alfredo. Pretty good, if you did say so yourself! Especially considering that this was a new kitchen and you had a very short time frame. You continued eating as conversation filtered through the door.

“so...what do you guys think?” Sans’s baritone rumbled.

“thoughts usually.”

“shut up, butch. i mean about Y/N.”

Well  _ that _ certainly caught your attention. Sure, you’re not supposed to eavesdrop, but could you blame yourself? You tried to quietly move closer to the door, eager to hear more.

“I LIKE THEM SO FAR!” Papyrus’s excited voice shouted. “THEY SEEM NICE ENOUGH, AND THEIR PASTA IS DELICIOUS!” You smiled proudly to yourself.

“i think they’re hot as fuck,” Butch purred. You could practically hear him drooling. “I wanna give ‘em a taste of my  _ sausage-” _

You heard a small smack and an indignant “ow!” “WILL YOU STOP BEING DISGUSTING FOR TEN MINUTES?” Noir shouted. You silently thanked him.

“I THINK THEY’RE AT LEAST COMPETENT,” Scar said, clearly unimpressed. “HOPEFULLY THEIR FOOD QUALITY WILL IMPROVE.” Ouch.

There was silence for a moment. Then Papyrus said, “THEY’RE RIGHT, SCAR! YOU’VE BARELY EVEN EATEN ANY, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IF IT’S GOOD OR NOT?” Frisk must’ve called him out on his bullshit. You reminded yourself to give them an extra big slice of pie later.

Scar started sputtering, trying to defend himself, but was drowned out by the laughter of the rest of them. You smiled smugly. That’ll teach him not to be a jerk!

The group of skeletons started moving on to other topics, so you stopped listening. You kept eating your pasta. Most of them seemed to like you (Butch maybe a little too much) so that was good. You were in the mindset that this was your new job, but really, this was just a test. If they didn’t like you, you were out of a job. Again. You didn’t know if you could survive off of ramen and peanut butter sandwiches for much longer.

Eventually, you figured it was time for dessert, so you poked your head into the dining room. Immediately, all eyes were on you.  _ Well, this is awkward,  _ you thought.

“Um...a-anyone up for dessert?” you stammered, trying not to look people in the eye. Frisk gave you a somehow sarcastic thumb up.

“hell yeah, bring it out!” Slim cheered.

Hound gave a little whoop of agreement.

You smiled a little and disappeared back into the kitchen. You grabbed the pie and then realized something. “Is there any whipped cream?” you asked as you walked back into the dining room, cradling the still-warm pie in your hands.

“THERE _ SHOULD  _ BE,” Scar said while glaring at his brother. Hound coughed awkwardly and sunk into his chair, as if it was that easy to disappear when you’re an over-six-foot skeleton.

“uuuuuuuh, do i have the right to remain silent?” he asked softly.

Scar gave him a deadpan look. “HOUND…”

Hound continued sweating under everyone’s stares. Finally he caved. “okay, fine, i ate it, but i’m not sorry. totally worth it.”

You heard Butch whisper something to Lucky, something like, “this is why we don’t send him on important jobs.” You figured it was none of your business.

Papyrus sighed dramatically. “I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT YOU WOULD HAVE FALLEN INTO TEMPTATION. OH WAIT. I DID.” He walked into the kitchen, and triumphantly returned with a brand-new canister of whipped cream. “YOU’RE ALL LUCKY THAT I’M SO CLEVER AND THOUGHT AHEAD, KNOWING HOUND’S LACK OF SELF-CONTROL.”

You and Sans applauded lightly as Papyrus took a bow. “you’re so cool, bro,” Sans said proudly.

“I KNOW,” Papyrus grinned as he took a slice of pie and squirted a generous amount of cream on top. He started passing it around the table, telling the others, “SAVE HOUND FOR LAST, OR HE’LL HOG IT ALL.” Hound flipped him off good-naturedly, but did put an absurd amount of cream on top, with Slim a close second.

Soon enough, the pie was gone, and your new bosses (hopefully new bosses, you reminded yourself) were looking full and satisfied. Not a scrap of your food was left, which struck a small spark of pride inside you. You started cleaning up. As you were piling up plates, you felt a smack on the back of your hand. You looked up in shock at Scar who was glaring at you. You tried again, only to get another smack.

“What was that for?” you asked, more confused than angry. It hadn’t really hurt, it was more of a minor nuisance.

“IT IS ME AND MY BROTHER’S TURN TO CLEAN. YOU COOKED, NOW LEAVE,” he explained, rather gruffly.

“ugh, i forgot about that,” Hound grumbled.

Scar rolled his eyes. “OF COURSE YOU DID.”

“It’s no problem,” you argued. “This is my job, isn’t it?”

“YOU’RE A CHEF, NOT A MAID. PLUS, WE MAY BE RICH, BUT WE’RE NOT LAZY.”

“i’m lazy,” Slim interrupted.

“CORRECTION: MOST OF US AREN’T LAZY. WE DO OUR OWN CHORES.”

“unfortunately,” Butch muttered under his breath, earning him a smack upside the head from Noir.

“Well, can I at least help out? I feel bad just leaving you guys with all the work,” you insisted. Mama didn’t raise a quitter!

“WELL, ISN’T THAT NICE, VOLUNTEERING TO HELP, EVEN IF YOU DON’T HAVE TO,” Papyrus said, staring passive-aggressively at Sans. Sans just shrugged.

“I GUESS IT WOULDN’T HURT,” Scar admitted, even though it looked like it pained him to admit it.

You smiled triumphantly. “Great! I’ll start cleaning.” You walked into the kitchen, followed closely by Scar and a reluctant Hound.

Scar began packing up the ingredients while you and Hound began washing dishes. Scar insisted on putting everything away because apparently, “YOU WILL MESS UP MY FLAWLESS ORGANIZATION OF INGREDIENTS.” You decided it was less trouble just to let him do it rather than argue, so you took dishwashing duty. The kitchen fell into an awkward silence, besides the sound of dishes and running water.

_ Oh my god this is so awkward, what do I do? _ you thought to yourself. Finally, you decided on a course of action that is guaranteed to make friends! Well, you’ve never actually tried it, but it was guaranteed!

You cupped your hands underneath the running water until the small bowl you made with your hands filled up and started pouring out. You looked Hound dead in the eye. “Wow, this water is getting really  _ out of hand, _ ” you deadpanned.

Hound put his head in his soapy hands and groaned dramatically. You grinned wickedly. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Scar’s shoulders were shaking a little. Probably out of anger from your stupid pun, but Hound’s reaction was so funny, that if he killed you, well, that’s just how you go!

“What’s wrong Hound, does that just make your blood  _ boil _ ? Are my jokes a little  _ half-baked _ ? I guess I’ll have to go  _ bake _ to the drawing board!” At this point Hound started thunking his head against the counter, like if he got a concussion then he’d have to leave. “Oh no, don’t do that! We’ve just gotten to the main  _ oven _ -t!”

There was a loud snort from someone else in the kitchen, and you whipped around to stare in awe at Scar, who was covering his mouth, seemingly embarrassed. You were sure that your face was exactly like that smug cat meme. “You like puns, don’t you?” you asked in a sing-songy voice.

He grinned mischievously, showing off his sharp teeth. “INDEED I DO, UNLIKE MY  _ BROTH _ -ER,” he smirked at Hound.

“shit, well, we’re doomed. the cook likes puns,” he murmured to himself.

“Come on Hound, you’re not going to  _ rice _ to the challenge?” you asked teasingly.

“HE CAN’T  _ STEAM _ TO  _ HANDLE _ IT,” Scar chuckled as he held up a pan by the handle.

“bye,” Hound said simply as he started to climb onto the counter and open the window.

“Oh come on, there’s no use  _ fry _ ing over spilt milk!”

“THAT’S  _ STEW _ BAD, THERE’S SO MUCH MORE WE COULD DO!”

“Yeah, but I can’t believe he doesn’t see the a- _ peel _ !”

At this point Hound had gotten the window open and was climbing out. He easily stepped down into the garden outside and flipped the two of you off from outside.

Scar stopped his punning for a moment. “THANK YOU FOR NOT BREAKING THE WINDOW THIS TIME!”

“no prob,” Hound grumbled good-naturedly as he shut the window and walked away.

You turned to Scar in confusion. “Does he break windows a lot?” you asked.

He shrugged. “THE YOUNGER BROTHERS, THE TALL ONES,” he explained at your confused look, “WILL OFTEN JUMP OUT WINDOWS WHEN THEY WANT A QUICK GETAWAY. WE’VE HAD TO REPLACE SO MUCH GLASS,” he mourned.

The idea of Slim and Noir yeeting themselves out windows was honestly one of the most hilarious things you’d ever heard. You could imagine Papyrus doing that pretty easily, though.

“Wow, that’s amazing!” you chuckled. “Maybe I’ll do that next time I’m stuck in an awkward conversation.”

Scar grimaced. “PLEASE DON’T.”

You laughed a little. “Fair enough. Anyway, I think everything’s done,” you said, looking around at the clean kitchen. “I think I’m going to go home for the night. It was nice to meet you!” you said, gathering your things and heading out of the kitchen.

You didn’t expect him to say anything in return, but you heard him say, “I SUPPOSE YOU’RE NOT TERRIBLE.” You turned around to glare playfully at him, but he was already gone.

You tried to find your way back to the front entrance, before you remembered that you had no idea where you were in the city. You groaned and pulled out your phone to text Sans.

**You:** Hi Sans. This is a little awkward, but can you give me a ride home? I don’t know where I am.

He responded a few seconds later.

**Sans:** sure, one sec

True to his word, he appeared in front of you literally a second later, almost giving you a heart attack. He seemed to find that funny, the jerk. “sorry, i forgot that i just shortcutted you here. kinda rude of me. oh well, ready to go?” he asked, offering you his hand. You reluctantly took it, dreading the feeling of the shortcut. You waited...and waited…

“Are we going?” you asked. Sans seemed to have been distracted by the feeling of your hand, and was running his phalanges over the soft skin. He snapped his attention to you, cheekbones alight with a blue blush.

“yeah, yeah, sorry. you want me to take you where i picked you up?”

“Actually, that’s kind of far from my apartment, and I don’t want to walk that far at night,” you explained. You asked him if he knew a cafe on the corner of the street where you lived, and he nodded. The two of you fell through space to the quiet street where you lived. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the first time, but your legs still shook a little.

“Ugh, thanks,” you said, trying not to throw up your meager dinner.

“no prob,” he said, awkwardly patting you on the back. You smiled at him thankfully. “oh, by the way, everyone really likes your cooking, so you got the job. here’s the address, so you can get there by yourself,” he handed you a slip of paper with an address written on it. “lookin’ forward to it.” He winked at you before disappearing. You held the paper in your hands, staring at it for a moment, before you cheered, pumping your fist in the air. You were very thankful that no one else was around.

\----------------------------

Noir stared at the unconscious man tied to the chair. He was getting bored, which was not great for the man in front of him. He was considering just slitting his throat and being done with it, but sadly, they needed answers from him.

After a few more long minutes, the hostage started to stir. Noir waited patiently for him to realize where he was. Finally, the stupid human seemed to wake fully.

“W-where am I? Who are you?” he demanded, although he couldn’t hide the fear in his voice. Noir smirked. This job would be too easy. Mr. Moncrieff, your ex-boss, was not a man known for his iron will.

“HELLO MR. MONCRIEFF,” Noir said coolly, standing from his own chair and pacing slow circles around the fat, sweating man. “I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU, SPECIFICALLY ABOUT YOUR...LITTLE  _ FRIENDS _ .” Noir spat the last word out like it was venom.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the pathetic human whimpered.

Noir stopped in front of him, grabbing his neck, not squeezing yet, just letting him know that he could end his life with little effort. “DON’T LIE TO ME, YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT. US MONSTERS HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR A WHILE. WE KNOW THAT YOU’RE A PART OF THE HDM.” Ah, the HDM. Humans for the Death of all Monsters. The organization that had been terrorizing monsters of all kinds ever since they’d ascendeed. They were responsible for dozens of attacks on monsters in the past month alone.

Mr. Moncrieff went pale. Well, paler than he already was. “How do y-you know that?” he asked. How pathetic. Noir could hear his weak heart beating faster than it was used to, and it made him smirk, knowing how much this was affecting him.

“UNIMPORTANT. WHAT  _ IS _ IMPORTANT IS THAT YOU HAVE ANSWERS TO MY QUESTIONS.” Noir stalked over to the cart full of “tools.” “NOW, YOU’RE NOT GETTING OUT OF HERE ALIVE,” may as well be honest. “BUT YOU CAN DECIDE WHETHER YOU WANT YOUR DEATH TO BE QUICK AND PAINLESS, OR TO LAST SEVERAL HOURS. IF YOU TALK, I WILL BE MERCIFUL.” Noir looked through his tools, deciding what to start with. Finally, he settled on a long, sharp scalpel. “SHALL WE BEGIN?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, he's dead. I'm not too happy with this chapter, but I hope you guys liked it! Here's my [Tumblr](https://bigoltrashpile.tumblr.com/) if you want to come bug me! I hope you have a nice day!


	4. Out on the Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and some of the guys go to Grillby's while the others are at a business meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I hope this is worth it! Also, don't mind my slight bias for Lucky, I just really like him.

Your new job was going pretty well, if you do say so yourself! You finally got to experiment with more complex recipes, your new bosses liked you (or most of them did, anyway), and best of all, you didn’t have to deal with dumbass customers! You internally cringed, remembering one customer who always insisted on you making her fries without salt, only for her to salt them herself. Don’t people know how much work it is to clean a fryer?

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Things were going well! The pay was much better than you could have ever hoped! At this point, you may even be able to move out of your shitty old apartment! You smiled to yourself as you minced chives for the omelets you were making. It was breakfast, and you had quickly learned each individual skeleton’s tastes. Extra mushrooms for Lucky, none for Noir, lots of pepper for Butch, etc. You turned back to the bacon sizzling on the stove, flipping it so it was a perfect texture.

Papyrus strolled into the kitchen, stretching. He was usually the first one to come to breakfast, eating quickly before going on a morning jog.

“GOOD MORNING, Y/N!” he greeted cheerfully.

“Morning, Papyrus!” you said back, plating a few pieces of bacon and an omelet. You handed the plate to him with a smile.

“THANK YOU VERY MUCH! YOU’RE SO PUNCTUAL, I WISH A CERTAIN  _ SOMEONE  _ WOULD TAKE A LEAF OUT OF YOUR BOOK.” He punctuated the “someone” with a harsh look at the ceiling, as if his brother would hear him. He was definitely asleep, though.

You chuckled at him. “Thanks, I certainly try my best,” you said, turning back to the stove. Lucky would be awake soon, so you quickly seasoned his omelet.

Papyrus leaned against the counter, taking a large bite of egg. “BY THE WAY,” he said, after he’d swallowed. “THERE’S A BUSINESS MEETING TONIGHT. SANS, NOIR, SCAR, HOUND AND I WILL ALL BE THERE, SO YOU DON’T NEED TO BOTHER MAKING DINNER. THE OTHERS CAN HANDLE THEMSELVES FOR ONE NIGHT.”

You frowned. Are you sure? It’s my job to feed you guys, I don’t want to just like...abandon them.”

“YOU WON’T BE ABANDONING US!” a new voice called. Lucky stood in the kitchen doorway, buttoning his shirt. It was still half-open, so you quickly averted your eyes so he wouldn’t think you were staring. He noticed and smirked. “WE’LL BE GOING TO GRILLBY’S, AND YOU CAN JOIN US IF YOU WISH.”

“Grillby’s?” you asked. “Isn’t that a speakeasy?”

“AND A GREASE TRAP,” Papyrus groaned. “HONESTLY, I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU SA- _ GUYS _ , CAN STAND IT.”

You’d noticed a few of the guys saying stuff like that. Like they were going to say Sans or Papyrus’s name when talking about someone else. You figured it was because they all look so similar. And really, it was none of your business.

“I’d be happy to go!” you interrupted. “I’ve only been once, but everything was delicious!”

Lucky grinned. “EXCELLENT! YOU CAN MEET US HERE AROUND, SEVEN AND WE CAN ALL HEAD DOWN TOGETHER.”

\-----------------------------------

Later that night, you made the trip back to the skeleton’s house. It was kind of a long trip, and you really wished you had a car, so that you didn’t have to walk and take the bus all the time. Oh well, wishful thinking. You knocked on the door, and waited, bouncing on the balls of your feet.

It swung open to reveal Slim. He was in his usual suit, but he was actually wearing the tie properly, and he had his suit coat on. “hey,” he greeted. “ya look good.”

You flushed slightly. “Heh, thanks! I don’t want to look like a slob all the time!” You weren’t wearing anything super fancy, more of a business casual look, but it was certainly a step up from your normal outfit. Grillby’s was a pretty nice place, and you didn’t want to be underdressed.

Slim let you inside and you stepped in, not taking your jacket off yet. You would be leaving soon anyway. Butch was sprawled out on a couch in the lounge, hat over his eyes like he was asleep. You sat stiffly in a nearby armchair.  
“heya doll,” Butch greeted. So he _wasn’t_ asleep. “nice of ya to join us.”

“Ha, yeah, I’m pretty excited! It’s been a while since I went to eat out, too expensive, you know?”

Butch wiggled his eyebrows. “not if ya rent a cheap whore.”

It took you a moment to understand what he was talking about. When the punchline hit you, you let out an unattractive snort. Butch’s eyes lit up as you covered your mouth, mortified.

“did you just-”

“No!”

“‘cause it sure sounded to me like ya snor-”

“Shut up!” you shrieked, trying your best to lean over and muffle his mouth. He laughed loudly, grabbing your wrists reflexively. With a light tug, you toppled on top of him.

Your face lit up as you took in the sight of Butch’s face inches from your own. Your eyes darted to his teeth, the gold tooth glinting in the light. He chuckled darkly and you quickly looked away, into his blazing red eye lights.

“ya know, I usually like bein’ on  _ top _ , but this is nice too,” he purred, wrapping his arms around you to hold you in place. Shit, you should move. This was  _ super _ unprofessional, and he certainly wanted something more, but...at the same time, you didn’t want to move.

The silent staring contest was broken by Slim wandering in. “you two ready to- oh stars,” he groaned. You quickly scrambled off of Butch, dusting yourself off. Butch didn’t seem to have any such regrets, only chuckling and winking at you as you blushed. “ya can’t keep it in your pants for ten minutes?” Slim sighed.

“I-I, we weren’t-he-” you stammered.

“try telling that to your bro,” Butch said, rolling his eyes. “he’s slept with more people than i can count.”

“so only around three?” Slim smirked.

Butch flipped him off.

Finally, Lucky teleported into the room, making you jump. “LET’S GO!” he announced. He quickly grabbed your hand, giving you a little grin. Without further ado, the two of you disappeared, falling through nothingness.

Either a second or an hour later, you couldn’t tell, solid ground was under your feet again. You put your hands on your knees to try and steady yourself. Lucky rubbed your back sympathetically.

“It’s Okay, We’re Here Now,” he said, softer than you’d ever heard him. “You’re Getting So Good At Shortcutting, I’m Proud Of You!”

You stood up shakily, giving Lucky a thankful smile. “Thanks,” you said. “It’s getting easier the more I get used to it.”

Lucky nodded. “IT’S THE SAME WITH EVERYONE! THE FIRST ONE IS ALWAYS THE WORST.” Butch and Slim appeared suddenly next to you, the familiar sensation of air being displaced following them.

“really? ya couldn’t wait three fuckin’ seconds for us to come too?” Butch snapped at Lucky.

Lucky rolled his eyes. “IT’S NOT LIKE YOU WEREN’T GOING TO DO THE SAME IF IF DIDN’T GRAB Y/N FIRST!”

The two of them had a silent staring contest, before Butch looked away, scoffing. “it’s not like i care, i just came for the booze.”

Lucky smirked and followed Butch to the inconspicious brick wall. Butch knocked a complicated pattern on the wall, and after a moment, a brick disappeared, a pair of eyes peeking out from behind the wall.

“Like, what’s the password?” a deep male voice asked.

“come on, 01, it’s us, you know we know it!” Slim complained.

“Sorry bro, can’t make any exceptions,” the voice said, obviously not sorry.

Slim grumbled before stating: “i am a legendary fartmaster.”

Two voices chuckled from inside the wall, along with the rest of your group. The wall swung open, revealing a dark hallway, where two large guards stood. One of them seemed like he was some kind of dragon monster, and the other had bunny ears. They were dressed in nice suits, and, weirdly enough, knight’s helmets.

“Come on in, bros,” the bunny said.

Your little group strolled into the wall, and it softly shut behind you. You walked down the hall, unable to see anything save for the occasional patch of light underneath a bare bulb dangling from the ceiling. Finally, you emerged onto a balcony, a set of stairs leading to the large room below.

“Wow!” you whispered. It was even nicer than you remembered! The entire place had a very cozy feel, despite its size. The walls were a dark brown wood, the tables and booths made of the same material. The seats were a lovely crimson, and the lighting was slightly dim. The centerpiece was obviously the large stage in the middle of the wall, a deep red curtain pulled to the side to reveal a fish monster singing a jazzy tune. You took a deep breath, the scent of smoke, alcohol, and perfume filling your lungs. There was a quiet murmur of conversation and laughter, but most of the patrons were watching the performance.

The skeletons led the way down the steps to the bar, where a man made of flame was pouring drinks. Slim leaned against the counter casually.

“hey, grillbz. good to see ya again,” Slim said, smiling at the flaming monster.

The man, apparently Grillby himself, tilted his head in curiosity. “yeah, i know it’s been a while, but we actually have someone who can cook now!” he said, gesturing dramatically at you. You waved awkwardly.

Grillby nodded at you, before pouring something from a glowing bottle. He pushed it towards you and you took it. Grillby turned to Slim again, signing something.

“yeah, we’ll all take the usual. and put it on our tab.” Grillby shook his head dramatically before writing something on a ticket slip and handing it through an order window.

The four of you took a seat at the bar. Slim took the seat to your left. There was a brief fight between Lucky and Butch for the remaining seat next to you, but Butch sat down first. He grinned triumphantly at Lucky. Lucky grumbled and moved back around to sit next to his brother.

“You know, I was considering working here, before I got the job with you guys, you mentioned as you swirled your drink around in the glass. It glowed a light blue, and seemed to sparkle in the dim light.

“really?” Butch asked, genuinely curious. “why didn’t ya?”

You shrugged. “Figured it was too dangerous. More chances to get arrested if you work somewhere illegal rather than just visiting every once in a while.”

Butch chuckled, before Grillby slid drinks to your companions. Slim took a sip, while Butch immediately shot his back, ordering another. You finally decided to drink yours. You took a cautious sip.

Oh! It was delicious! It had a crisp, fruity taste, with just a little kick of alcohol. The ice in the glass clinked as you chugged the rest of it.

Lucky chuckled at your eagerness. “THAT GOOD, HUH?” he teased.

You gave him a little glare. “Shut up, it was delicious!”

“YOU HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN WHAT IT DOES TO YOUR SKIN YET!”

Your skin, what’s wrong with your skin? You looked down and gasped. You were glowing! Not metaphorically, but you were literally shining like a lightbulb!

“Holy shit!” you laughed. “That’s amazing!”

Slim gingerly touched your skin, seemingly fascinated by either the texture or the glow. You didn’t mind at all, you were as fascinated by his anatomy as he was yours.

“if ya think that’s cool, watch this,” Butch bragged, grabbing his other shot. He threw it back, then breathed out. Flames roared out of his mouth like a dragon!

You yelped and jumped backwards, not wanting to get burnt. Butch just laughed at you. “it won’t hurt ya doll, it’s magic fire, kinda like grillby’s skin.” That was fair. Grillby was made of fire, but he somehow was still wearing clothes.

“That’s so awesome!” you gushed. “Can I try?”

“i don’t know if that’s a good ide-” Slim tried to say before Butch cut him off.

“‘course ya can, sweetheart. grillby! another round of fire whiskey!” Grillby slid over a few shots and you cautiously grabbed one.

It didn’t seem like anything special, just an amber colored shot. You shrugged. Yolo, or whatever. You took a sip of it, not wanting to shoot the whole thing. Oh shit, that burns! You coughed, eyes watering as the alcohol assaulted your senses. It was incredibly spicy, and the taste of the alcohol was way too strong for your taste.

Your three friends seemed to find this much funnier than they should. Butch and Lucky guffawed shamelessly, while Slim tried to be a bit more polite, patting your back as you coughed up little spurts of flame.

“aw man, that was amazing!” Butch laughed.

You glared at him again. “Yeah, thanks a lot,” you drawled sarcastically. “I think I’ll stay away from that.”

The music changed, to something more up-tempo and fast-paced. Slim’s eyes lit up. “I love this song!” he exclaimed. “Y/N, do ya wanna dance?”

“Um, I don’t know, I don’t really dance-” you tried to wave him off, but he simply grabbed your hand, pulling you off the stool as if you didn’t weigh anything at all. Guess you’re dancing.

He tugged you onto the dance floor, grabbing your hands gently, moving them to the position he wanted them, one on his hip, the other in his hand. He began to guide you through the dance, leading you effortlessly. He swung you around, helping you keep the beat. You giggled as he spun you, somehow managing to move your feet fast enough that you weren’t left behind. He smiled down at you. “i knew ya could do it, sugar!” he encouraged.

After what seemed to be too long, and not long enough, the song came to an end, with you in a slight dip in Slim’s arms. You grinned, slightly breathless. “Oh my god, that was so much fun!” you panted.

Slim smiled back. “told ya so,” he said, slightly smug. He pulled you back to an upright position, and you stumbled off the dance floor back to the bar. Lucky and Butch both seemed to be pouting for some reason, staring into their drinks. You hoped they didn’t have some kind of argument when you were gone.

You sat back down, ordering another drink and downing it quickly, soothing your parched throat.

Your food had finally arrived. You, Lucky, and Butch all had big, delicious looking burgers, while Slim had what looked like a slice of quiche. You didn’t know they served stuff like that in bars.

You quickly took a bite. Just as delicious as the drink. Man, you wished you could make stuff like this! You moaned slightly at the taste. You didn’t notice all three skeletons staring at you, light blushes on their faces.

“Y/N! DANCE WITH ME!” Lucky demanded. You were about to complain that you were eating, when he simply grabbed your hand, dragging you onto the dance floor like his brother. This song was much slower, and he led you into a gentle waltz. You chuckled slightly at his eagerness and he glared at you playfully. He spun you around several times, and you started to feel a little dizzy. Alcohol and spinning don’t really go together, you suppose.

Lucky laughed a little, helping steady you with his strong hands. You looked into his light blue eye lights. They really were beautiful. He was very attractive, you were realizing. All the skeletons were, if you were being honest with yourself.

Lucky seemed to be leaning in, his teeth getting closer and closer to your lips. You instinctively leaned towards him, eyes drifting shut. You could feel his breath on your lips, he was so close to you, and-

BANG!!

A gunshot rang through the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh snap! What will happen next? Stay tuned and all that jazz. Here's my [Tumblr](https://bigoltrashpile.tumblr.com/) if you want to check that out, there's a lot of fun stuff happening there. Anyway, have a good day!


	5. Bar Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down at Grillby's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahoo! I'm having a lot of fun writing this fic! I hope you guys like reading it as much as I like writing it! This chapter was beta read by the wonderful [Ihavearandom on Tumblr!](https://ihavearandom.tumblr.com/) Go give them a follow, they have a lot of good stuff. Anyway, enjoy!

A small scream escaped your throat as the gunshot exploded through the room. You insinctively covered your ears and ducked to the floor. Lucky did no such thing, throwing his arms out to protect you. His head whipped around, landing on a group of about two dozen armed humans bursting their way into the speakeasy, opening fire on anyone who dared get in their way.

You watched in horror as Lucky dashed towards the intruders, eye flaring as he went. In his hands appeared a large war hammer made of what looked like bones. You gasped. Offensive magic use was illegal! Although, to be fair, so was this entire building, and this was a self-defense situation.

The humans noticed Lucky racing towards them and fired. Lucky threw up a wall of bones that the bullets bounced off of harmlessly. You were snapped out of your horrified trance when a hand grabbed your arm.

You instinctively lashed out, trying to punch or hit whoever was grabbing you. “calm down, Y/N, it’s me! ouch!”

You stopped fighting as Slim’s familiar voice cut through the noise of shooting and screams. “S-Slim, w-what’s going on?” you stammered, heart racing in your chest.

“terrorists, we gotta get you out of here,” he explained quickly. “butch!” he shouted.

As if on cue, Butch practically flew past you, having been kicked off the entrance balcony onto the dance floor. “kinda busy here,” he snarled, before jumping back into the fray.

Slim swore under his breath. “just...ugh, stay somewhere safe,” he ordered, before he too summoned a magical club, whacking one of the attackers over the head as he ran into the fight.

You sat on the dance floor, practically paralyzed. You knew you should get out of there, but you couldn’t move. All around you people fought, humans with guns and monsters with magic. You watched Butch stab a man through the arm with a sharpened bone and fought the urge to puke. Shit, those were your friends! Your friends were doing possibly irreversible damage to these people!

You scrambled to your feet, racing to a corner of the speakeasy where hopefully you’d be out of the line of fire. You passed Grillby, who was blazing an angry red, shooting fireballs at desperately dodging humans.

“H-help!” a small voice shouted. You whipped your head around to see the monster who performed earlier that night being held by her hair by a large, scarred human man. He was holding a gun to her head, taunting her.

You froze, a choice being presented to you. You could let this poor, innocent monster die at the hands of a violent racist, and be safe, or you could put a metaphorical target on your back by painting yourself as a monster sympathizer to these people. Everything seemed to pause, noise fading away, vision tunneling on the pair in front of you.

A heavy looking alcohol bottle glinted in your vision, and your decision was made.

You picked it up, and without hesitation, smashed it over the human’s head. He froze, swaying in place for a heartbeat, before falling like a tree. The monster, Shyren, you suddenly remembered, met your eyes, shock apparent on her face.

At that exact moment, a bullet whizzed past your ear, coming dangerously close to hitting you. You ducked, covering your head. A small fin grabbed your wrist, as best as it could, and you were dragged away from the fight, shoved into a small side room.

You panted, gazing at your savior, the Shyren you’d helped. “Thank you,” she whispered. Her voice was soft, and echoed like you were listening to her underwater. “You s-saved my life.”

“I couldn’t just let him kill you,” you responded. It was then that you looked around the room. It seemed like a break room. “Where are we?”

“This is an escape route,” Shyren explained. She moved aside a bookshelf to reveal an earthen tunnel leading out of the building. “It’ll take us outside. W-We need to hurry.” She grabbed your wrist again, but you pulled back.

“I can’t leave now!” you protested. “My friends are out there, they need help!”

Shyren’s face suddenly morphed into a shocked expression. “T-the skeletons? You’re with them?”

“Yeah,” you explained, eyebrows furrowing. “Why? What’s wrong with that?”

“N-nothing!” Shyren practically shouted, a little too quickly. “Nothing’s wrong with that! J-Just-they’ll be fine. You should leave.”

“I’m not leaving,” you once again said. “I need to be sure they’re okay.”

Shyren winced. “O-Okay. Just...be careful. Please. I don’t want one of the few decent humans in this city to get killed.”

You smiled softly at her. “Thank you. Be safe.”

Shyren gave you a nod before disappearing into the tunnel. You pulled the bookshelf back over the entrance. You took a deep breath in, then let it out slowly. There were still more monsters out there. You needed to help them.

You pressed your ear against the door. Sounds of fighting were still echoing around the room, but didn’t seem to be close to you. Carefully, you opened the door, making sure the coast was clear before dashing out.

Bullets whizzed around you as you sprinted through the room, doing your best to guide any monsters to the escape route. “There’s a tunnel in the break room, behind a bookshelf, get there and get out,” you told a Froggit and a Vulcan who were huddling in the corner. You scooped another bottle off the ground as you passed, ready to use it just in case.

Suddenly, a boot kicked the back of your knees, and you tumbled to the ground. Your bottle fell out of your hands and tumbled away. Before you could stand up, the same boot that had tripped you pressed down into the small of your back, hard.

All the breath left you as the stranger dug his heel into your spine. “Fuckin’ traitor,” he snarled. “You’re no better than the rest of this monster filth.” You felt something cold and metal press against the back of your head and you froze. “The world’ll be better with you gone.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, fully expecting him to pull the trigger and end your life. Before he could however, a loud scream left him and his weight was pulled off your back. You spun around, seeing a blood-splattered Butch holding the flailing man by his greasy hair. “get the fuck outta here,” Butch ordered before tossing the man like a ragdoll behind the bar, a sickening cruch telling you at least one of his bones had been broken.

You scrambled back to your feet, dashing towards the escape tunnel, not seeing any other monsters left. There were a few piles of dust, but you did your best to ignore them, stopping the tears stinging your eyes. Just don’t think about it, you have bigger fish to fry.

You made it to the break room and shoved the bookshelf aside, ducking into the tunnel. It was a pretty large space, obviously meant for monsters of all shapes and sizes, so after the initial entrance, you could walk fully upright. The earthen walls blurred as you raced down the tunnel, not seeing any other monsters, and thankfully, no dust. Finally, the tunnel curved gently upwards, and you pushed open a door.

You panted as you emerged into the chilly night. You were in a small alley, softly lit by the streetlights along the road. All around you, monsters were scattering in all directions, some flying, some climbing straight up walls, some digging, others just running. There didn’t seem to be any guards outside, although you guessed you were at least a block away from the speakeasy by now.

Now that you were safe, you felt incredibly guilty for abandoning your friends. Sure, they seemed to be handling themselves okay, but they were outnumbered eight to one! You bit your lip, trying to decide what to do.

Sadly, your decision was made for you when you felt something sharp and cold press into the small of your back, a heavy hand landing on your shoulder. “Don’t try and call for help,” a raspy, hostile voice growled.

Instinctively, you held your breath, partially out of shock and partially from fear. “P-Please don’t hurt me,” you whispered.

The man behind you chuckled cruelly. “Oh, I’m gonna do much more than hurt you,” he taunted. “A fuckin’ traitor like you don’t deserve the nice treatment.”

You felt a new stream of tears pricking your eyes. Why did you think helping people would end well for you in this city? No good deed goes unpunished here.

“Now, you’re gonna follow me nice an’ easy, or else things are gonna be much worse for you,” he ordered, grabbing your shoulder harshly and leading you out of the alley, knife still held to your back.

The tears were now running down your face freely, and you tried your best to muffle your sobs. So this is how you die. Kidnapped and tortured to death by some racist gang member. You don’t know why you expected anything else. Your life had never gone your way, not even at the end, apparently.

Your captor gave you a harsh poke in the back as you approached a black car pulled to the side of the road next to the main entrance of Grillby’s. “Get in,” he demanded. With shaking hands, you reached for the handle, staring at your own frightened eyes in the tinted window. You looked just as terrified as you felt. For a few heartbeats, you simply looked yourself in the eyes, knowing it was probably for the last time. You were about to plead for your life once more, but before you could, the man behind you let out a gurgling sound.

Taking your chances, you turned your head to the side, almost sobbing in relief as you saw Slim standing behind your attacker. He was holding a sharp, orange bone, the end of which was poking through the man’s stomach.

Your hands flew to your mouth. “O-Oh my god, Slim, w-what did you do?” you gasped.

Slim didn’t seem too concerned over it. “i didn’t hit anything important,” he said casually. “he’ll live. unfortunately.”

“But, I mean, he’s...he’s-” you tried to argue. You were cut off by Lucky tackling you in a hug.

“Y/N! OH THANK THE STARS,” he said, obviously relieved. “AFTER BUTCH PULLED THAT ONE GUY OFF YOU, I WASN’T SURE WHERE YOU’D GONE, I WAS AFRAID YOU’D BEEN HURT, OR TAKEN, OR-”

“yeah yeah, shut up, ya pansy,” Butch growled, coming up behind him. “we were all worried, ya don’t need to make it sound like yer the special lil’ snowflake.” It was only then that you noticed how beat up they all were. Slim was using a newly summoned bone as a cane, Lucky had a crack over his skull, and Butch was clutching his arm. All three of them were covered in blood.

“A-are you guys okay?” you asked, now much more concerned about them than the man who’d tried stabbing you. “We need to get you to a hospital or something!”

Slim waved his hand dismissively. “s’nothin’ a bit of healing food won’t fix. ya get used to shit like this, bein’ a monster in ebbot.”

Sadly, you knew he was right. It was no wonder they were so adept at fighting, you couldn’t go a week without hearing about an attack on some poor monster or monster owned business. Those who were strong enough must have learned quickly how to defend themselves and others. 

“Well, we better get you home then! Hopefully the others are back, I don’t know how to make magic food.” Butch grabbed you with his one good arm, and Slim gently gripped his injured shoulder.

Lucky gripped the injured man’s arm, giving him a disgusted look, as if he couldn’t believe he was touching someone like him. “I’LL GET HIM TO THE  _ HOSPITAL _ .” He put a strange emphasis on the word hospital, but in your shocked mind, you couldn’t fathom as to why.

With that, your small group fell through the void.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I use exclamation points too much in my descriptions, so I'll try to tone it down. Here's my [Tumblr](https://bigoltrashpile.tumblr.com/) if you're interested, I do a lot of stuff with these Mafia boys over there. I hope you liked the chapter, have a good day!


	6. Sleepover Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're stranded at the skeleton's house. Fortunately, they are prepared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I updated, guys! But this is a two parter, so hopefully that makes up for it a little bit? I'll try and hurry with the second half. Enjoy!

It had been about a week since the...incident at Grillby’s. That night, you’d been too scared to go home alone, so the skeletons let you stay in a guest bedroom. It was probably the nicest room you’d ever slept in. Honestly, you could fit your entire apartment inside that room! Unfortunately, you hadn’t gotten the chance to fully appreciate it, since you passed out as soon as your head hit the pillow.

You still hadn’t fully recovered from that experience (the piles of dust, the bullets flying inches from your head, the feeling of the gun against your head), but you’d tried to go about your life normally, more or less. Cooking for the skeletons, going home, doing chores, hobbies, anything to keep yourself busy. Nights were the worst, as you lay in bed, with only your thoughts to keep you company. That’s when images of the happy, smiling monsters from that night would float around you, not knowing they’d be dead in less than an hour.

You shook your head to snap yourself out of your thoughts. You were mincing garlic, now was not the time to be off in dreamland. Tonight’s dinner was baked spaghetti with garlic bread. Honestly, you were pretty proud of yourself! You’d never attempted this recipe before, and it looked pretty good so far!

You glanced out the window as you worked on the bread. The weather kept getting worse and worse every minute that passed. When you’d come, there were only a few clouds drifting peacefully across the sky, but now the entire sky was a dark gray. It looked like there would be a storm soon. You only hoped you could finish dinner in time to catch a bus before it started.

You placed the garlic bread in the oven, before returning to the counter. You were originally going to make meatballs, but that would take too long. You decided instead to just cut some sausage and put it in the sauce. It’s not like your bosses/friends/strange acquaintances would know that you were going to make something different. As you worked, you kept glancing anxiously out the window, fretting about the time and the weather. You hadn’t brought an umbrella or anything, you didn’t think it would rain! At this rate you were going to miss the bus, and you didn’t want to walk all the way home soaking wet, and-

Ouch!

You winced in pain as the knife sliced your finger. You quickly pulled away from the food as you clutched your injured hand. It wasn’t too deep fortunately. More of a nuisance. You rifled through the cupboards, trying to find where they kept their bandages.

“HUMAN, DINNER IS USUALLY READY BY NOW, WHAT IS THE HOLDUP-ARE YOU INJURED?” a familiar grating voice shouted.

You whipped around to find Noir standing in the entrance to the kitchen, eyelights locked firmly on your bloody hand. “Um, kind of?” you admitted. “It’s nothing serious, I just cut myself. Where do you keep your-”

“WELL THIS WILL NOT DO!” Noir announced, striding over to you. To your shock, he then grabbed you by the hips and plopped you onto a clean part of the counter. It was like you didn’t weigh anything. “STAY THERE,” he ordered as he took off his suit jacket.

You watched in confused fascination as Noir easily reached the top shelf, where a first aid kit was hiding. He stalked back over to you, setting the kit next to you.

“HONESTLY, HUMAN, YOU NEED TO BE MORE CAREFUL. I WON’T ALWAYS BE HERE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU LIKE THIS. THIS IS A WASTE OF MY PRECIOUS TIME,” he grumbled as he pulled out an alcohol swab.

You fought the urge to laugh at this slightly ridiculous situation. Noir had never done anything besides reprimand you and boss you around, and now here he was, treating your wound like you were a little kid who scraped their knee! “Well, then why don’t you just let me take care of it?” you asked, trying to school your expression into something that wasn’t so amused.

Noir suddenly froze, as if he hadn’t thought of that. “Well, Er, I CAN’T HAVE YOU BLEEDING OVER ALL OUR FOOD! AND IF YOU TRIED TO TREAT YOUR OWN INJURY, YOU WOULD UNDOUBTEDLY MESS UP SOMEHOW, IT’S BETTER IF I JUST DO IT.”

You decided not to argue with him. No doubt he would turn it into a bigger issue than it really was. So you sat patiently while Noir cleaned the wound before putting a bandage on it. You smirked. “Are you gonna kiss it better too?” you teased, batting your lashes.

The reaction was immediate. Noir’s face turned a bright red, almost like a stoplight, and he sputtered, trying to gain some semblance of dignity. “I-YOU-I MEAN, DON’T-IT’S NOT LIKE-UGH!!!” He stormed away, crossing his arms and glaring at you, but still not leaving the kitchen.

You giggled and hopped down. Despite your teasing, you were thankful for him helping you out like that. You rewashed your hands and pulled on a disposable glove just in time for the oven to beep.

“Oh!” you exclaimed. “I didn’t realize it was already done!” You pulled on an oven mitt and pulled the delicious, steaming bread from the oven. You inhaled the mouth-watering scent and grinned.

You turned around, about to put the tray on the counter to cool, when you noticed Noir. He was examining your knives curiously. You set the trays down before turning to your skeletal companion. “Do you want to try?” you asked. At his confused look, you clarified. “Cutting the sausage, I mean.”

Noir scoffed. “AS IF I WOULD WANT TO DO SOMETHING SO TRIVIAL. THAT’S WHY WE HIRED YOU, IS IT NOT?” he stepped back and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms.

You rolled your eyes and grabbed the knife. You washed it and the cutting board off before tossing out the sausage that had been on it. It was probably contaminated. Better to start again. After everything was clean, you started chopping more meat, fully aware of Noir’s eyes piercing into the back of your head.

Eventually, he seemed to get tired of his vantage point, storming back over to you and hovering over your shoulder. After a moment, he said, “YOU’RE QUITE SKILLED WITH A KNIFE.”

You chuckled. “Thanks, I guess. You have to be good with a knife if you want to be a chef.”

Everything was eventually done, with no further comments from the peanut gallery, and you were ready to bring everything out for dinner. You texted Sans to get everyone down for dinner before grabbing the pot of spaghetti. “Do you want to help me out with this?” you asked Noir.

After a moment of hesitation, Noir begrudgingly grabbed the bread and followed you into the dining room. Everyone was just arriving, eyelights hungry from the smells and sights.

You grabbed your own plate and retreated back to the kitchen. You still weren’t sure if it was okay to eat with them, so you just decided not to. The spaghetti was just as delicious as you expected.

You listened to the chatter in the dining room, laughing along with a few of the dumb jokes. Your plate was soon clean, and you were just about to grab dessert, an ice cream cake you’d made earlier today, when it happened.

KABOOM!

You shrieked and jumped at the loud thunderclap, followed by instant blackness. You froze, not daring to move, scared to bump into something fragile. A loud clamor came from the dining room, voices intermingling loudly.

“Y/N, ARE YOU OKAY?” Papyrus called, his loud yell drowning out all the rest.

“Y-yeah, I’m okay, just a little surprised,” you responded.

The door swung open, and the room was lit, just a little bit, by two sets of eye lights, one orange, the other baby blue. “THANK THE STARS,” Papyrus breathed. “I WAS WORRIED THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN HURT.”

“N-no, I’m good. Just a little scared to move around the room. I’m not sure where everything is, you know?” you admitted.

“AH, NOT A PROBLEM,” Lucky, the blue eye lights, said. He quickly moved to your side, expertly dodging all the obstacles in his way. A boney hand gently gripped yours. “I’LL LEAD YOU BACK TO THE DINING ROOM, DEAR,” he purred, and you could practically feel his smug grin.

True to his word, Lucky guided you through the kitchen, hand never wandering. Soon enough, you were by Papyrus’s side, and Lucky let go of your hand, albeit reluctantly. By now, your eyes had more or less adjusted, and you could make out the forms of the two skeletons. Papyrus opened the door for you, and you stumbled into the dining room.

This room was much better lit than the kitchen, since most of them had their phone flashlights out, and their eyelights acted like small flashlights themselves.

“oh good, ya got Y/N,” Sans sighed in relief. “so everyone’s okay.”

“Y-YES, EVERYTHING IS GREAT,” Noir stuttered. Stuttered?

Apparently everyone else was just as confused as you are. All the skeletons in the room stared at Noir, looking either concerned or baffled. Noir awkwardly stared back.

“SHOULDN’T THE HUMAN BE GETTING HOME?” Noir eventually broke the silence. It was more of a demand than a question.

You looked at the ornate clock in the corner. “Dammit, I missed the bus,” you cursed. “I don’t suppose one of you could teleport me home?”

“it’s not like any of us know where ya live,” Butch pointed out before his grin turned smug. “although, if ya wanted to invite me over sometime-”

Scar smacked Butch in the back of the head. “YOU HAVE NO DIGNITY, I SWEAR,” he grumbled. 

Papyrus quickly stepped in. “WELL, SINCE Y/N HAS NO WAY TO GET HOME, IT LOOKS LIKE THEY’RE STUCK HERE.” He glanced over at Lucky excitedly. “YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?”

Lucky gasped. “SLEEPOVER!!!” he shouted, and dashed out of the room.

“A sleepover?” you asked. “I-I mean, that’s nice of you to offer, but I can just walk home.”

Sans scoffed. “we ain’t lettin’ ya walk all the way home. you’d catch your death of cold.”

“Thanks, mom.”

“HE’S RIGHT THOUGH,” Scar interjected. At your confused look, he flushed and continued. “W-WE DON’T WANT OUR COOK TO BE SICK. THEN YOU WOULD CONTAMINATE THE FOOD!”

“sure, that’s what you’re worried about,” Hound teased his brother. Scar gave him a death glare that quickly shut him up.

“Well, that’s nice of you to let me stay,” you interrupted. “Should I just take the room I was in last time?”

“DON’T BE SILLY,” Papyrus said. “WE’RE HAVING A PROPER SLEEPOVER! WE’LL ALL BE IN THE LIVING ROOM!”

At that time, Lucky burst back in with his arms full of blankets and sleeping bags. “I GOT THE GOODS,” he announced. 

Sans shot you a look that was something like, “just go along with it,” while Scar rolled his eyes. You thought for sure that Noir would have complained more about this-wait, where was he anyway? He wasn’t in the room anymore.

“Where did Noir go?” you asked. Everyone looked around the room, only now realizing his absence. The only one who didn’t seem surprised was Butch, who was sweating lightly, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.

“Butch?” you asked, putting your hands on your hips. “Do you know where he is?”

“um, heh, i-i don’t know what yer talkin’ about,” Butch claimed, sweat beading down his forehead.

You rolled your eyes. “Fine, I’m going to go look for him.”

“THE REST OF US CAN GET EVERYTHING READY FOR OUR SLEEPOVER!” Papyrus exclaimed. He quickly assigned the skeletons various jobs while you left the room. The most obvious place Noir would be hiding was probably his room, so you decided to check there first. Fortunately, you knew where most of the skeletons’ rooms were, so you only got lost once. You knocked lightly on the door, and, after hearing no response, slowly opened the door.

The room was very clean, almost as if nobody lived there. Everything was color coordinated, from the drawn curtains to the large desk in the corner. It was all blacks, reds, and deep browns. The only sign that someone actually lived there was the suit jacket on the back of the office chair, and the large lump under the covers.

Slowly, you approached the bed, not wanting to make any sudden moves and scare the skeleton hiding underneath the blankets. You cleared your throat awkwardly, and you saw the lump twitch. You could hear a faint rattling, like bones.

“Noir?” you called softly. “I know you’re in there.”

“Go Away,” his voice called. “I Don’t Want You Here.”

“Maybe you don’t want me, but you probably need me.” No response. “If you don’t want to talk, that’s okay, but I'm here for you,” you sat gently on the edge of the bed, a respectful distance away from Noir, but close enough that he could reach out for you at any time.

After a few minutes, Noir sighed. He sat up, blankets falling off of him. “I’m Scared Of Thunder,” he admitted softly, not meeting your gaze. “I Know, It’s Dumb, But I Can’t Help It. Tell Anyone Else Of This And You Die.”

You frowned. “It’s not dumb, and I’m not going to tell anyone,” you promised him. “There’s nothing wrong with being scared of storms. Even if you’re the GREAT AND TERRIBLE NOIR,” you did a goofy impression of Noir’s voice that made him snort. “You’re still allowed to be scared.”

The scared skeleton sighed. “I Suppose You’re Right. For Once,” he quickly amended his statement. “Even One Such As I Can Be Scared Sometimes.”

As if on cue, another crack of thunder exploded outside. Noir ducked under the covers again, a shriek escaping his throat.

You sympathetically put a hand on the lump of covers, hoping you weren’t making a mistake by touching him. “It’s okay,” you said softly. “I’m here for you, the thunder can’t hurt you.”

A few long minutes passed, Noir hiding under the covers, you gently whispering encouraging words and holding his hand after he stuck it outside. Your touch seemed to ground him.

Finally, Noir seemed to gain some of his usual cockiness, yanking his hand away from you and sitting up. “HUMAN,” he exclaimed. “I...APPRECIATE YOUR THOUGHTFULNESS. HOWEVER, I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. But...Thank You.” The last two words seemed difficult for him to say, and you practically glowed at the indirect praise.

“Any time,” you smiled at him. “Now, I think the others said something about a sleepover in the living room, do you want to come downstairs? I’m sure they’re already done setting up, but-”

“WHAT? THOSE FOOLS COULDN’T MAKE A DECENT NEST IF THEY HAD THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE INSIDE OF THEIR EYELIDS.” With that, he dashed out of the room, leaving you alone in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this first part! It was fun to write, I love my boy Noir. He deserves all the love in the world. Speaking of Noir, check out this [fanart of Noir!!!](https://bigoltrashpile.tumblr.com/post/614348037903532032/noir-non-this-is-beautiful-god-everything) It's so beautiful and I love it. Anyway, here's my [Tumblr](https://bigoltrashpile.tumblr.com/) if you want more mafia content. Have a good day!


	7. Sleepover Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You enjoy the rest of your night at the skeletons' house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long for me to do, I know it's been like, three and a half years :P Not really, but still. Anyway, there's a brief trigger warning for ptsd in this chapter, it's after reader falls asleep and it's all in italics. Anyway, enjoy!

As you walk back down the stairs, you’re taken aback by how much the other skeletons had done in such a short amount of time. Noir hadn’t been kidding when he talked about a nest! On the floor of the living room, several mattresses and blankets had been laid down, surrounded by even more blankets and pillows, making what appeared to be an incredibly comfortable bowl. On all of the stable surfaces, dozens of candles were lit, twinkling like stars. Papyrus and Slim were draping a few sheets along the ceilings and walls, completing the fort-like structure. Well, Papyrus was doing most of the work. Slim was…”supervising.”

“you’re doin’ great, pal,” he cheered on. He was just holding a corner of the sheet.

“I KNOW I AM,” Papyrus huffed. “BUT IT WOULD GO MUCH QUICKER IF YOU HELPED!”

“okay.”

“RIGHT NOW!”

“okay.”

“AND ACTUALLY PIN IT TO THE WALL!!!!”

“okay.”

“DON’T TAKE IT BACK OFF!!!” Papyrus practically screamed. He stomped his foot on the ground. “STARS, YOU’RE WORSE THAN SANS! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE M-”

His eyes met yours. You were covering your mouth, trying hard not to laugh. “MY COUSIN,” Papyrus finished.

“hey honey, glad ya made it,” Slim smiled. It was only now that you noticed they were both in much more casual clothes. Slim was wearing a beat up orange hoodie and sweatpants. Papyrus had on athletic shorts that were  _ very  _ high, and a matching crop top. The shirt read “ BAD COOL TO THE BONE.” It was definitely the most relaxed clothing you had ever seen them in.

“I like your outfits!” you complimented.

Slim flushed a slight orange. “heh, thanks. ‘s’just some old clothes from back underground that we use for pjs.”

“SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, BUT I THINK MY SHIRT IS VERY COOL,” Papyrus bragged jokingly. Turning back to you, he said. “I USED TO MODIFY ALL MY CLOTHES LIKE THIS! SADLY, SUITS ARE TOO EXPENSIVE TO USE A SHARPIE ON, SO I HAD TO STOP.”

“Maybe I’ll take a leaf out of your book sometime!” you giggled.

Noir stormed into the room. He was looking much more relaxed, and was back to his usual grumpy self. Part of you wondered if it was because of you, but the logical side knew it was only because the thunder had stopped, although the rain hadn’t.

“ARE YOU TWO DONE WITH THE NEST, OR ARE YOU GOING TO BOONDOGGLE ALL NIGHT?” he demanded.

Slim shrugged. “probably gonna boondoggle.”

“NYEH!!!”

You laughed even louder at that. The arguing briefly stopped as all three skeletons turned to face you. Because your eyes were crinkled from your wide smile, you didn’t notice that all of their eyelights were heart shaped.

“YOU HAVE A VERY CUTE LAUGH, DEAR!” Lucky exclaimed as he walked into the room carrying a large bowl of popcorn. “I COULD LISTEN TO IT ALL DAY!”

Your face got warm. “You’re such a flirt,” you scoffed. “I bet you say that to all your chefs!”

“ONLY THE CUTE ONES~”

You flushed even more when he gave you a wink. The shorter skeleton was also dressed in casual clothes, although his pajamas included a t-shirt that read “BAD PUNS ARE HOW EYE ROLL,” and gym shorts.

“ugh, seriously bro?” Slim groaned. “that shirt is so stupid!”

“UH, YES SERIOUSLY,” Lucky sassed in return. “THIS SHIRT IS HILARIOUS AND YOU KNOW IT!”

“i do and i hate it!”

Before you were subjected to even more arguing, you grabbed one of the many candles and wandered into the hallway. You figured if there was someone making snacks in the kitchen, it was kind of your job to help. Before you could go too far, you almost ran into a familiar shape.

“Oh! Sans, you scared the shit out of me!” you breathed, putting a hand on your chest.

Sans chuckled, though he looked a little guilty. You were getting good at reading skeletal facial expressions. “sorry pal, i didn’t mean to scare  _ ya outta your skin. _ ” He winked, as if to solidify the joke.

You snorted at that. “Oh man, don’t let Papyrus catch you saying that!”

“meh, he’s used to it.” Sans looked you over again. “by the way, what were ya gonna wear to sleep?”

“Hm? Oh!” You looked down at your clothes, only now realizing that your work outfit probably wasn’t the most comfortable for sleeping. “Well, this, I guess. I didn’t exactly bring a change of clothes.”

“well, that seems uncomfy as hell,” he said casually. “c’mere, i’m sure i got somethin’ that’ll fit ya.”

He spoke with such authority that you didn’t even consider saying no. Instead, you just followed him to his room.

Sans didn’t seem to need the candle to see, but you held it high in the air, just in case. When you got to his room, Sans threw open the door. Well, ‘threw’, was a strong word. He really had to force it open since it was practically blocked by a pile of clothes.

Your eyes widened when you stepped into the room. His room looked like a hurricane had gone through it! Which probably wasn’t far off, since there was literally a small tornado made of garbage spinning in the corner.

Despite all this, Sans walked through the room as casual as can be. He went over to a pile of stuff in the corner and tossed some clothes around. How was it possible for one man to have this much trash? After a moment, he emerged, triumphantly holding up an old t-shirt and some gym shorts.

The shirt was, unsurprisingly, bone print, black with a pattern of white ribs on it. “butch got me this as a gag gift a while back,” he explained, a slightly mischievous grin on his face. “thought it was funny. i never actually wore it, so it should be good.”

Sans tossed you the clothes before digging around some more. “ya can go change, if ya want. ‘m’just lookin’ for my own pajamas.”

You took the hint and carefully stepped out of ground zero  Sans’s room. You quickly changed into the clothes, which were actually super comfortable.

Once you were dressed, you gathered your work clothes and wandered back to the living room. The rest of the skeletons were already there, including Sans. He must have gotten dressed really fast.

When you entered, most of the eyes in the room went to you. “OH MY GOD,” Noir gasped.

“W-what? What’s wrong?” you asked. What did you do?

“uh….what’s with your shirt, doll?” Butch asked. He was obviously trying not to laugh.

You glanced down at your shirt, only to realize that you were basically wearing a naked skeleton on your body. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize that this was….rude? I guess? Sans just gave it to me, a-and I thought-”

“OF COURSE IT WAS YOU, SANS,” Papyrus shouted, glaring at his brother. “WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?”

“I can go change if it’s making you guys uncomfortable-”

“heheheh, if i knew that shirt would go on a cutie like you, i woulda never given it to vanilla over there!”

“how about we just get ya some new clothes?”

“SOMEONE GIVE THEM SOMETHING DECENT _PLEASE-_ ”  
“I CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT YOU!”

Finally, a shirt was thrown at you, landing on your head. “JUST TAKE THAT ONE,” Scar grumbled. “AT LEAST IT WILL BE BETTER THAN THE LEWD THING YOU’RE WEARING NOW.”

You flushed when you realized he had literally given you the shirt off his back, and was just wearing a pair of purple checkered pajama pants. You couldn’t stop yourself from staring. His ribs were thick, much thicker than any human’s, probably around the width of your wrist. Various scars were scattered around them, most of them fairly shallow, but one of them caught your eye. A large, diagonal cut, going all the way from his right shoulder to his left hip. It seemed to be pretty old, but you couldn’t help but wonder where he had gotten it.

Scar leveled you with a glare. “WELL? ARE YOU GOING TO STAND THERE ALL NIGHT, OR CHANGE OUT OF THAT INAPPROPRIATE SHIRT?”

“Well, I mean, you have bare ribs right now,” you pointed out.

“IT’S DIFFERENT WHEN A HUMAN DOES IT!” Papyrus argued.

You couldn’t really argue with that. Maybe it was, like...cultural appropriation? Oh well. You went into the bathroom and changed your shirt for the second time that night. Before you put it on, you had to stifle a laugh. What you had thought was a plain t-shirt was, in fact, super nerdy. On it was a pattern of graph paper with an arrow going along it. There was text that read “I SEE YOU HAVE GRAPH PAPER. YOU MUST BE PLOTTING SOMETHING.”

Wow, Scar was an even bigger nerd than you thought!

You got dressed and went back into the living room. The nest had been completed, the sheets successfully made it into a tent. What worried you, however, was that there were candles inside it.

“Um, isn’t that dangerous?” you asked, pointing at the clear fire hazard. “I mean, the blankets and stuff could get caught on fire or something.”  
“they’re magic candles,” Hound explained. He was lying inside the nest, cuddling a large pillow. “it’s not real fire.”

Huh. Weird. You examined one of the candles and realized that he was right. The flame didn’t give off any heat, just light.

“Magic is so cool,” you whispered to yourself.

“WHO WANTS TO PLAY A GAME?” Papyrus shouted. “IT’S TIME TO GET THIS SLEEPOVER STARTED!!”

“What kind of game?” you asked. Would it be some kind of cool magic thing? Would you get to see more awesome monster stuff?

“how about truth or dare?” Butch suggested.

“YES!!! A GOOD GAME TO GET TO KNOW Y/N BETTER!” Papyrus cheered.

You know what? That’s fair. No magic today.

Lucky disappeared and reappeared with several bottles of human alcohol. “NOW WE CAN GET ABSOLUTELY WASTED!!!”

The nine of you sat in a rough circle inside the nest, lit by the warm light of the magic candles. “OKAY, WHEN YOU GET CHOSEN, YOU HAVE TO TAKE A DRINK BEFORE ANSWERING THE TRUTH OR DOING THE DARE,” Lucky said quickly. “LET’S DO THIS!”

“BUTCH SHOULD GO FIRST, SINCE IT WAS HIS IDEA,” Papyrus suggested.

You all looked towards him. He gives a wide smirk and looks right at you.

“y/n, truth or dare.”

Of course. You sighed. “well, i’m sure it’s going to be something super inappropriate either way, so…” you took a sip of your drink. It burned a little as it went down, but the sensation was welcome. “Let’s go with a dare.”  
Judging by his wicked grin, you knew you were going to immediately regret your decision. “i dare ya to sit in my lap for the next three rounds,” he smirked.

Yup, that was a bad decision. Oh well, a dare was a dare. You reluctantly got up and walked over to Butch. He patted his lap. “take a seat, doll~”

You grumbled, but did. He was...actually, surprisingly comfortable. It wasn’t all bony like you had expected, it felt like there was a bit of squish to his thighs. You were grateful for that. 

Noir, however, looked absolutely disgusted. “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS,” he sighed.

Butch didn’t respond, instead, he just gripped your hips and laughed smugly.

“Okay, so, it’s my turn?” you stammered. Anything to speed up this game and get the jealous (?) looks off of you. “Um...I choose...Lucky.”

Lucky smirked and took a long drink from his bottle. “TRUTH, DEAR!”

“Okay, um…” you probably should have thought of a question before you asked him. “Have you ever...practiced kissing in the mirror?”

Lucky’s face turned bright blue, and his usual confident, flirty expression turned into one of embarrassment. “WHAT? ME? OF COURSE NOT, THAT’S RIDICULOUS!!”

“you liar,” Slim snorted. “i walked in on ya at least three times makin’ out with yerself back underground!”

“WELL, YOU DIDN’T HAVE  _ TO TELL EVERYONE _ ,” Lucky hissed at his brother. “I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU BETTER!”

All of you laughed at that, which seemed to cheer Lucky up a bit, although he was obviously still embarrassed. “FINE THEN. SLIM, TRUTH OR DARE?”

Slim took a sip. “oh please, i ain’t stupid. Dare.”

Lucky thought for a little bit, and then got a wicked grin on his face. “BREAK TWO EGGS ON YOUR HEAD!”

Slim blanched, but groaned and stood up. He went to the kitchen, head down in shame while everyone laughed at him. He returned with two raw eggs.

“do i really have to?” he asked.

“UNLESS YOU WANT TO DO TWO TRUTHS!”

Slim sighed. “fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.” He took a breath, closed his eyes tight, and smashed both eggs on the top of his skull. 

Thick, disgusting egg guts dribbled down his skull, and Slim shuddered in disgust. “okay, ugh, Sans, truth or dare. hurry, i wanna shower.”

Sans chuckled and took his sweet time drinking from his bottle. “truth. i don’t wanna stand up.”

“okay, uh, tell us how ya really feel about papyrus’s spaghetti.”

Sans’s eyes widened in fear, and he glanced at Papyrus, who was sitting next to him. “WELL?” Papyrus asked, raising an eyebrow.

Slim dashed out of the room, obviously eager to get the egg off of him. “uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh…” Sans stalled. He was sweating, which you didn’t know was possible for skeletons to do. “i mean, you’ve gotten a lot better since we were underground, and-”

“YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT WHAT HE MEANT. JUST ANSWER, YOU WIMP,” Noir snapped.

Sans took a deep breath. He obviously didn’t want to answer. “fine. paps, i’m sorry, but it was awful. i could barely stand to swallow it.”

Papyrus was silent for a few seconds that felt more like an eternity. Finally, he grinned. “THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME!”

You were pretty sure that everyone in the room had just had their mind blown. “I’VE WANTED YOU TO BE HONEST ABOUT THIS FOR A LONG TIME! I’VE ALWAYS KNOWN IT WAS TERRIBLE, AND I’M PROUD OF YOU FOR TELLING THE TRUTH!” If Sans was any more surprised, his jaw would have fallen off. 

“Y/N, THAT’S THREE ROUNDS, YOU CAN GET OFF OF BUTCH’S LAP NOW.”

“Oh yeah!” You had almost forgotten that you were sitting on him. You hopped off and sat back in your original seat. “Thanks for not being  _ too  _ much of a perv,” you joked.

“oh, uh, no problem,” Butch stammered.

“uh, let’s see...hound, truth or dare,” Sans said, looking at the quiet skeleton.

Hound sighed and took a long gulp from his drink. “truth.” 

Sans cackled a cartoonish evil laugh. “have you ever eaten anything off the floor?”

Scar snorted and laughed loudly. “shut up, bro!” Hound pouted.

“YOU’VE DONE IT MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT!” Scar cackled.

“really? i’ve only seen him do it once,” Sans chuckled.

“in my defense, that cookie was _ fresh _ and had  _ just come out of the oven _ , i couldn’t waste it!” Hound pouted.

“Okay, okay, we get it, you’re a nasty gremlin man, who’s next?” you giggled.

Hound thought for a moment, and then turned to you. “y/n, truth or dare?”

“AGAIN?” Noir groaned.

“come on, they’re new, i wanna know about ‘em!”

You took a sip of your drink. “Let’s go with a dare again, why not.”

Hound thought for a little bit. “um, let’s see....i dare ya to let scar draw on your face for a minute. no permanent markers, bro.”

Scar snapped his fingers in mock disappointment.

You groaned, but were forced to accept your fate. Scar smirked and grabbed a pen, and all the skeletons gathered around while he drew on you.

“OH! YOU SHOULD WRITE-”  
“draw a mustache!”

“make ‘em look like-”

“DRAW A PENIS!”

Thankfully, your minute was over pretty soon. You pulled out your phone and opened the camera.

“Oh my god.”

On your face, in Scar’s handwriting, were several puns, a cartoonish mustache, a couple of dicks, and large, round glasses.

You had to admit, it was pretty funny. “Okay, good one,” you chuckled, rolling your eyes. “My turn, then?”

You looked around the circle of still laughing skeletons. “Okay, Papyrus, truth or dare?”

“TRUTH PLEASE!”  
You decided to go for a classic. “Okay...who do you have a crush on?”

His reaction was immediate. Papyrus tensed up, and large beads of orange sweat gathered on his brow. He looked from side to side, obviously avoiding eye contact with anyone.

“UM, WELL, YOU SEE...IT’S A COMPLICATED QUESTION, WHAT  _ IS _ A CRUSH ANYWAY? HAS ANYONE EVER SEEN ONE? WHAT DOES CRUSH EVEN MEAN?” As he rambled, he shakily wandered over to the closest window. “I MEAN, REALLY, CRUSH IS SUCH A COMPLICATED TERM.” He was opening the window now. “AND I REALLY THINK IT’S UNFAIR TO ASK ME SUCH A QUESTION! GOODBYE!!”

Was he-yup, he just jumped out the window. What was it with the tall skeletons and jumping out of windows?

Sans sighed. “i better go get ‘im. it’s gettin’ late anyway, probably time to hit the hay.”

He was right. You were very tired, and still had to get up to make breakfast tomorrow. At least you got to sleep a little longer, since you didn’t have to worry about catching the bus.

You just hoped you didn’t have any nightmares.

Before you went to bed, you went to the bathroom and scrubbed the pen off your face. Well, after you took a picture. For posterity. Once you were clean, you flopped down onto the mattresses in the nest, and snuggled in a bit. It was incredibly comfortable, you were pretty sure you would pass out as soon as you closed your eyes! The others began to settle around you. Weirdly enough, almost all of them seemed to want to be close to you.

Hound hesitantly scooched close to you, just barely brushing against your side. Butch laid his head on your thighs, like they were a comfortable pillow. Lucky was near your head, and Slim at your other side. Even Noir brushed his hand against yours until you finally grabbed it, making him jump. Scar looked grumpy that there was no room left next to you.

Surprisingly, the bone pile was super comfortable. It was probably similar to how Butch didn’t feel like just bones, they all felt warm and a little squishy. Well, that made sense in a weird way. They weren’t human skeletons, they were monsters.

You yawned and your eyes fluttered shut.  _ Please don’t let me have any nightmares,  _ was the last thing you thought before slipping off to sleep.

\---------------------------

_ You were laughing and drinking with your friends. Weirdly, you couldn’t see their faces, just their smiles. Around you were more smiles, happy music, jokes, laughter. Everything was perfect. _

_ BANG! _

_ Everything shifted. Around you, the smiles turned to grimaces, the laughter to screams. The lights around you dimmed until you were in total darkness. You couldn’t see anything, you could only hear your heavy breathing, screaming, and gunshots. _

_ You tried to run, but it felt like you were moving through tar. In front of you, a spotlight shone down on an innocent monster. A Loox, you were pretty sure. If you didn’t get to them in time, they would die, you knew it. They looked in fear at the darkness around them. When you tried to run faster, your body refused, only causing you to go slower. You tried to open your mouth to shout at them to move, but nothing came out. _

_ Suddenly, there was a gunshot and they were gone. In their place, a pile of dust. _

_ Tears stung at your eyes and you tried to scream again, but you were still silent. Around you, more spotlights shone down on more monsters, and one by one, they turned to dust and drifted away. _

_ You collapsed on the ground, sobbing. Your tears felt like they were choking you, like water was filling your lungs. _

_ You were snapped out of your mourning by the feeling of cold metal against your head. This was it. Nobody was here to save you. They were all dead. You shut your eyes tight to prepare for your death. _

_ BANG! _   
  


\-------------------------

You sat up, panting and crying. Shit, another nightmare. This one was worse than the rest, somehow. You furiously wiped your tears away, and tried to calm your breathing, so that you wouldn’t wake up the skeletons surrounding you.

It was darker than when you had fallen asleep. The rain was still pounding at the window, and most of the candles were out. You needed to get up and walk around, get your mind off of the nightmare.

Carefully, you detached yourself from the various skeletons around you. Prying your hand away from Noir was easy enough, as was moving Slim off of your arm. The real challenge was getting Hound off of you. While he slept, he had somehow been cuddling you, arms around your waist.

You managed to sneak out of his grasp and replace your body with a pillow. He grumbled but snuggled into it.

Stepping gently around the sleeping bodies, you noticed something. Butch was gone. Oh well, maybe you would run into him.

You wandered into the kitchen, the most familiar place in the mansion. You were a bit shocked to see a pair of glowing red eyes. For a moment, you thought it was an intruder or a ghost, but then your eyes adjusted. It was Butch. He was sitting at the counter, nursing a bottle of mustard.

He seemed just as surprised to see you. “oh, hey doll. what are ya doin’ awake at the fine hour of…” He glanced at the clock. “4:47 am?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” you pointed out. “Mind if I sit?”

He didn’t say anything, so you took that as a yes. For a little while, the two of you sat in silence. “so, really, why are ya awake?”

You sighed. “.......Nightmares,” you finally responded.

He nodded in understanding. “same here. they’re the worst.”

“Really?” you asked. “What was yours about?”

Butch flinched, and you realized that that was probably an insensitive question. “I-I mean, you don’t have to say if you don’t want to, I was just curious.”

“nah. really, it’s okay. it might help.”

Butch took a deep breath. “it was...we were back underground. me an’ pa-noir.

“we didn’t come from the nicest place. a real kill or be killed type of situation. ya had to be tough, or ya died. anyway, in my dream...noir dies. sometimes it’s another monster, sometimes it’s an earthquake. but the worst is when a human comes.

“this human kills everyone they meet. innocent monsters who don’t even look at ‘em-boom. dead. anyway, my bro was the captain of the royal guard,” he seems to be proud when he says that. “so he decides it’s his duty to stop ‘em.”

Butch takes a deep breath, in and out. “they kill him too. he never stands a chance.” The hand on the mustard bottle is squeezing, and you’re sure that it’ll explode if he grips it any tighter. “one hit and he’s gone.”

Red tears welled up in Butch’s eyes. It hurts to see him like this, so you put your hand on his shoulder. The contact seems to calm him down a little. “thanks, sweetheart. but anyway, i’m watchin’, and i can’t do anythin’ to stop ‘em. i just have to watch an’, an ya wanna know the worst part?” You really didn’t, but he kept going. “i don’t feel anythin’. it’s like i’ve watched it happen a hundred times, and i’m just...numb. that’s the scariest part for me. that the most important person in my fuckin’ life gets killed right in front o’ me, and i don’t care.”

He took a deep, shaky breath. “sorry, i talked for way too long there. i know ya ain’t my therapist or anythin’, didn’t mean to dump on ya like that.”

You gently rubbed circles into his shoulder blades. “It’s okay, really. It helps to talk about these things sometimes.”

He looked up, finally. “what about you? what was your nightmare about?”

“Oh,” you whispered. “Um...it seems dumb compared to yours, but...we’re back at Grillby’s, back when the shooting happened. There’s a bunch of monsters around me, and they’re dying, and I can’t help. It always ends with me getting shot.”

“that ain’t dumb,” Butch said gently. “anyone would be traumatised by that.”

You smiled at him gratefully. “Well, thanks. This actually helped a bit.”

“yeah...for me too, doll.”

The two of you sat in silence for the rest of the night. You watched through the window as the rain slowed, then stopped. The clouds cleared, and the sun finally shone through the window.

\------------------------

“well, here ya are, pal,” Sans said casually. “home sweet home.”

After you had made breakfast that morning, Sans had decided to walk you home. This way, he would know where your apartment was and teleport you home the next time something happened.

“Thanks, Sans, I really appreciate it,” you smiled.

He flushed a little and rubbed the back of his neck. “don’t sweat it, kid. no skin off my nose, heh.”

You rolled your eyes at the dumb pun. “Well, either way, it’s very sweet of you to offer to take me home.”

After a moment of hesitation, you gathered your courage and kissed him on the cheekbone. “See you at dinner time!” you called out, dashing into your apartment.

Sans grinned crookedly and gently traced the place where you had kissed him. “heh...anytime, sweetie,” he muttered to himself.

\-----------------------

“Are you sure they’re the one?”

“Of course I’m sure. I’d never forget a monster-fucking face like theirs.”

“Plus, they’re with Ice Eye, ya really think we made a mistake?”

All three of the humans in the van gasped when you kissed San on the cheek.

“There, see? It’s definitely them.”

“Alright, fine. We’ll tell the boss and see what he wants done with ‘em.”

“Oh please, we all know the boss. We know what he does with traitors like them.”

Of course they all knew. It was the same thing that happened to every human that supported monsters too much.

You were going to burn to a crisp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahoo, there you have it! Sorry this was kind of a long chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it either way! Anyway, my Tumblr is [here](https://bigoltrashpile.tumblr.com/) if you want to check it out! You can read more about these delightful mobsters over there! This chapter was beta read by the wonderful and talented [Literalgarbagebutok](https://literalgarbagebutok.tumblr.com/), [lolitazilla](https://lolitazilla.tumblr.com/), and [aka-indulgence!](https://aka-indulgence.tumblr.com/) Check them all out, they're all so talented and wonderful! Anyway, have a good day!


	8. This isn't good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days after the sleepover, you're expecting to have a peaceful night. Sadly, your expectations are never the resality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY about the long wait! It's been......a rough couple months, but I'm back! Hopefully this slightly angsty chapter makes it up to you! :3

You stretched a bit as you walked out of the skeletons’ mansion. Dinner had gone well, braised chicken with a red wine reduction, along with a lovely cheesecake you had made the day before. You would have to add that recipe to your rotation for them.  
Thankfully, you managed to catch the bus just before it left. Thank the stars. You had missed it too much lately, and although the exercise was good for you, you were tired of it. Sure, Sans had offered to teleport you home a couple days ago, you were too awkward to ask. You put your earbuds in, and tried to ignore the people around you.  
Sadly, this meant you didn’t notice the man following you.  
As you hopped off the bus at your stop, you didn’t notice the same man close behind you, taking the exact same turns as you did, never straying more than fifty feet away. Your music was too loud to notice the footsteps in time with yours.  
You didn’t notice anything strange as you unlocked the door to your apartment. You were just looking forward to sleeping. Scar and Noir had had a very loud argument at dinner over wine brands, and which one you should be using for cooking. You didn’t have the heart to tell them that you just got the cheapest cooking wine available. Plus, afterwards, the skeletons had insisted that you play Monopoly with them. All that shouting had drained your energy.  
Yawning, you kicked your shoes off, and plopped down on your bed. Your bedroom was a tiny studio, but you didn’t mind. Honestly, you seemed to spend more time at the skeletons’ house than yours. If only that was an excuse to pay less in rent.  
It only took a few minutes for you to fall asleep. Blissfully innocent, not knowing what was to come.

\----------------------------

“You’re sure it’s that one?” the HDM agent asked.  
“Of course I’m sure. I didn’t follow that monster fucker all day just to lose ‘em at the last minute,” he scoffed. “Can we just start the fire already?”  
“Patience,” the first agent shushed. Her red nails tapped against the dash of the van, the other hand fiddling with a small detonator. The fire bombs she had planted earlier were ready to go, all it needed was a tiny push. Barely an ounce of pressure. Then, they would strike a brutal blow against Ice Eye and his skeleton crew. Not to mention get rid of several filthy monsters who lived in that building. The humans were a necessary sacrifice.  
“We’ll wait one more hour,” the agent ordered coldly. “Make sure they’re really asleep. Then, you can do the honors, if you want.”

\----------------------------

Bang!  
You sat up in your bed, screaming. That nightmare again. It seemed like every time you closed your eyes, that man with the gun was right there, finger twitching on the trigger. You tried to relax and get back to sleep, but an acrid smell filled your nose. Your stomach dropped.  
“My cookies!” you gasped, sleep fogging your thoughts. They were burning! As you took another deep inhale, your stomach dropped even more. That wasn’t what burning cookies smelled like. Not to mention that you hadn’t even made cookies. Nothing was cooking.  
That burning smell was a fire.  
Immediately, you jumped out of bed. You could see an orange glow from beneath your door, black smoke already filling the air and making your eyes and sinuses burn. Why hadn’t the fire alarm gone off? You had just changed the battery!  
Remembering what you had learned in elementary school, you dropped to the ground to get away from the smoke. You quickly grabbed your wallet, jacket, and phone. You would need those. Heart pounding in your ears, you dashed to the window. As you threw it open, you could hear the screaming of the other tenants in the apartment. Thank the stars, their fire alarms had worked. Faintly, sirens could be heard in the distance.  
Faster than you ever had, you climbed down the fire escape, the cold metal slipping from your sweaty palms. You panted as you reached the ground. A small bear monster from the floor above you, Honey, if you remembered right, ran up to you. “Y/N! Are you okay?” she asked, fur standing up on end.  
“Y-yeah, I am. Is everyone else alright?” you panted, looking around at the crowd of scared people, doing a mental head count.  
Tears filled Honey’s eyes. “I-I haven’t seen Jas or his family! I think they’re still inside!” Jas was Honey’s best friend, a bunny monster who lived next door to you.  
If you thought you had felt scared before, it was nothing compared to now. “I’ll be right back,” you said. You were determined to help.  
Honey tried to grab your hand, but her paw slipped out of yours. A few of your neighbors tried to stop you as you raced back towards the building. You ignored their cries as you scaled the fire escape once more, taking the rungs two at a time. When you got to your floor, you faintly realized that your apartment was completely engulfed. Your panicked brain shoved that information aside for now, only caring that next door wasn’t burning nearly as much, then tried to open the window to the Bun’s apartment.  
It was locked.  
You growled. No way were they going to die because of some freak accident, not when you could help them! You braced yourself on the fire escape railing, and kicked the window with all your might. The shock waves shot up your leg, making you yelp in pain, but then you noticed. It cracked! The glass cracked! You laughed in relief, then went again. It didn’t hurt as bad this time, and the cracks spread. One more, Y/N, you were so close. You took a deep breath, then kicked the window with all your might.  
The glass shattered beneath your slipper, and you grinned, feeling a bit like a superhero. Then, you shoved that aside, and dove into the burning apartment.  
The smoke burned your eyes, and you had to squint just to see. This looked like Jas’s bedroom, the walls covered in posters of movies she liked. Unfortunately, the bunny monster was nowhere in sight. You coughed as you ducked down. “Jas! Snowy! Anyone! Are you here?” you shouted.  
A sob answered you from what was probably the kitchen. You dashed towards the sound, avoiding the burning wall that seperated your apartment and theirs. “Jas! Where are you?”  
“In here, p-p-please!” Jas’s tiny voice called out. The kitchen was even worse than the bedroom, and you winced as the fire licked much too close for comfort. In the kitchen, Jas and her brother Jud were kneeling next to a fallen beam. You gasped when you noticed the dust. Underneath the beam was the form of Snowy, the bunnies’ mother. Her white fur was stained gray from the ash, and from the hips down, her body was pinned beneath the heavy wood. She didn’t seem to be conscious, probably from all the dust that was seeping from her body. The two children were trying to move the beam, but it wouldn’t budge.  
“Shit shit shit,” you whispered. “You guys need to get out!”  
“We can’t leave her!” Jud growled. “She’s our mom!”  
“I’ll take care of her, go!”  
The two kids looked nervously back at their mother, but obeyed your stern tone, hopping as fast as they could to the fire escape. You took a deep breath, then grabbed the wood beam. It was splintered and much more heavy than you thought, and you winced in pain.  
“Come on Y/N, you got this,” you whispered to yourself. With a grunt, you tried to lift the beam. Shit, it was heavier than you thought! You tried again, lifting with your legs. This time, you just managed to budge it, lifting it about six inches before a bit of burning ceiling fell on your shoulder. You screamed and dropped the beam. Tears filled your eyes, both from the smoke and from the pain.  
Shit. There was no way you could do this alone. Exhausted, you fell to your knees. The heat from the fire burned your face, and you winced. If only you hadn’t told the kids to run. At least if you died, they were safe.  
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OUT OF HERE!”  
A loud, gruff voice grated your ears, and you would have jumped if you weren’t in so much pain. You looked up. It was Scar. “Am I hallucinating?” you asked yourself weakly.  
“NOT RIGHT NOW, NO,” Scar scoffed. “NOW GET UP! I NEED YOUR HELP TO GET HER OUT.”  
Legs shaking, you stood back up. You and Scar braced yourselves, and on Scar’s count, lifted with all your might. This time, the beam lifted up enough to get Snowy out.  
“GRAB HER, QUICKLY!” Scar shouted. You let go of the beam. Scar shuddered and the beam dropped a tiny bit, but he kept it held aloft. You tugged Snowy away, leaving a trail of dust, and immediately Scar dropped the beam.  
The skeleton panted and coughed. “TAKE MY HAND, WE NEED TO GO. Without a moment’s hesitation, you grabbed his singed glove. The world seemed to fall from beneath you, and the flaming apartment disappeared.  
You stumbled a bit when the ground reappeared, the air suddenly much cooler than before. Scar pat you on the back and called out to someone. “I’LL BE BACK. I HAVE TO TAKE THIS WOMAN TO THE HOSPITAL.” You nodded and coughed harder. Was that blood? Oh well.  
“y/n! kid! are ya okay??” A familiar voice called out. Sans raced over and knelt next to you. “sheesh, ya look terrible,” he winced.  
“Gee thanks, you’re such a charmer,” you grumbled.  
“ya know what i mean.” The skeleton helped you stand up, arm around your shoulders. “let’s get ya home.”  
“B-but…” You looked around. Police were talking to people, and the firefighters were finally putting out the blaze. A few of the other skeleton brothers were milling about as well, talking to the residents. “What about the others? Honey, a-and Mrs. Garcia, and Snowy and Jas, what are they gonna do?”  
Sans pushed some ash out of your face. “they’re gonna be alright. we have a shelter around here they can go to.” He looked up at the building. “plus, i think most of the apartments are okay.” The untold words “except yours” seemed to ring through the air.  
You sighed and pushed some tears out of your eyes. “Okay. Can you give me the address?”  
Sans furrowed his brows. “how come?”  
“So I can go there?” you said, like it should be obvious.  
“don’t be silly, i’m takin’ ya to my house,” he scoffed. “it’s safer there, and the others can take care of ya.”  
“You don’t have to do that-”  
“i’m gonna. you’re our friend, y/n. i ain’t gonna throw ya out.”  
New tears filled your eyes. “You’re the best, Sans!”  
“heh, nah, you’re thinkin’ of my bro,” he chuckled. “C’mon.”  
The skeleton offered you his hand, just like the first time you had met. You took it, and the world disappeared, before you appeared back in the mansion.

\----------------------------

Papyrus sighed as he looked over the devastation. So many innocent people displaced. So much destruction. Poor Snowy looked awful from the brief glimpse he had gotten of her before Scar had teleported her away. And poor Y/N…  
The tall skeleton was snapped out of his thoughts when a firefighter stepped up to him. Captain Adams, a dark skinned human with a very impressive mustache. Sans had to say that he was a bit jealous that he couldn’t grow hair. If he could, he would want a mustache like that!  
“Mr. Serif,” the captain said. “We...found this in the wreckage.” Hesitantly, he handed Papyrus what looked like a small bomb. Faintly, he could see the letters HDM. He should have known. The Humans for the Death of all Monsters.  
Papyrus frowned. “I See...This Was Arson.”  
The captain nodded. He had worked with the skeletons on some other cases, and was sympathetic to their cause. “I’ll have my boys look out for more like it,” he said solemnly.  
“As Will I,” Papyrus nodded. “Now, I Have To Go. I Have A Human To Take Care Of.”  
His poor Y/N...he could only hope that you would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooooo, guess who's effectively on a hit list? That's right, you! Anyway, sorry again, I promise to update more regularly now! If you want, my tumblr is [here!](https://bigoltrashpile.tumblr.com/) I hope you guys have a great day!

**Author's Note:**

> Reader: *Googles Frisk later that night*  
> Reader:...  
> Reader: HOLY SHI-
> 
> Sorry there weren't many skeletons in this one, but they'll show up soon, don't worry. Also, this is going to take place in modern times, but with a 1920's/30's feel. Anyway, I have a [Tumblr](https://bigoltrashpile.tumblr.com/) now, so come bug me! I hope you have a nice day!


End file.
